Jon: …with Stephen Colbert at The Colbert Report! Stephen, my friend! How are you?
Stephen: The real question is, Jon…how are you?
Jon: Me? I’m doing okay.
Stephen: Really, Jon? Really? Because unnamed sources tell me you got bitten in the attack. Don’t you think you’re a little…too okay?
Jon: “Unnamed sources”? Stephen, it’s been all over the news. Yeah, I got bitten. And since then, three religious institutions and two governments have certified me still human.
Stephen: O RLY?
Because you’re looking awfully pale tonight.
Jon: Listen, it’s been a long week–
Stephen: And when was the last time you were seen in a church?
Jon: I’m Jewish! And who are you to talk about other people being pale, anyway?
Stephen: Jon, I…I can’t believe you would make fun of the skin condition that prevents me from tanning…
Jon: Oh, geez, Stephen, I didn’t know…
Stephen: It’s tragic, Jon…I am just that white.
Jon: See you in a minute, Stephen.
Stephen: Yes, Master.