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Fangirl Karaoke: Malcolm

Fangirl Karaoke: Malcolm published on No Comments on Fangirl Karaoke: Malcolm

To the tune of the Arrogant Worms’ “Malcom.”

Integra solves her problems by showing she’s the boss
Walter solves his problems with guns and killer floss
Seras solves her problems with a big gun and a cross
But Alucard has got a way that’s better than the lot

‘Cause Alucard solves his problems with the Jackal
Alucard solves his problems with the Jackal
Alucard solves his problems with the Jackal
And he never has the same problem twice!

Whether it’s a FREAK or that Luke arriving late
Crazy Catholic priest or some scum that’s second-rate
Incognito’s taunting, with Seras as the bait
Or when Integra scolds him for not pulling his weight

Alucard solves his problems with the Jackal
Alucard solves his problems with the Jackal
Alucard solves his problems with the Jackal
And he never has the same problem twice!

Come on…! Come on…! Come on…! I see…You’re just like all the rest…

[BANG]

Problem solved!

Shine Public Service Announcements

Shine Public Service Announcements published on No Comments on Shine Public Service Announcements

Integra: Now, listen up, kids…don’t smoke. It’ll stunt your growth, it’ll put you at risk for cancer…

Seras: Um…Sir Integra…maybe you should put out the…

Integra: …so unless you happen to be in charge of a secret organization whose failure would mean the deaths of millions of people. What, police girl?

Seras: Eh…never mind?

Anderson: Remember, kids, safety first…

Never run with scissors or sharp objects. It’s dangerous! You could hurt somebody!

Walter: Brushing your teeth every day is key to good dental health.

And if you want teeth like mine when you’re over sixty, you have to floss, too.

Alucard: “Verb: It’s what you do.” That’s it? That’s my entire script?

Others: Is it an advertisement for something? / No phone number. / No “more information” website. / Is it a campaign to promote exercise? / Or maybe it’s about grammar.

Fangirl Karaoke: Nursery Rhymes

Fangirl Karaoke: Nursery Rhymes published on No Comments on Fangirl Karaoke: Nursery Rhymes

Credit to Melanie Underwood for these remixes of nursery rhymes…

Little Sir Hellsing
Sat with her Hellhound
Having Cigars and Tea
Her life just got stranger
Along came the Major
Whom she hated quite passionately.


How much is that hellhound in the window?
The one with the eight eyes and fur
How much is that hellhound in the window
I want him to call me Master


‘Teggy had an age old vamp
Age old vamp
Age old vamp
‘Teggy had an age old vamp
With orders to go kill

And everywhere that ‘Teggy went,
‘Teggy went
‘Teggy went
Everywhere that ‘Teggy went
Blood was sure to spill

‘Teggy went to war one day,
War one day
War one day
‘Teggy went to war one day
Much to his delight

It made the Nazis laugh with glee
Laugh with glee
Laugh with glee
It made the Nazis laugh with glee
Since Drac they got to fight.

Fangirl Karaoke: Girl All The Bad Guys Want

Fangirl Karaoke: Girl All The Bad Guys Want published on No Comments on Fangirl Karaoke: Girl All The Bad Guys Want

To the tune of Bowling For Soup’s “Girl All The Bad Guys Want”

(Alucard)
It’s midnight, Hellsing basement, where I’m waiting
To finally drink from a girl who’s just as stubborn as me
Her name’s Integra, she’s got glasses and she’s thirteen
She will defend the honor of her proud family

And when she walks
All the wind blows under the red sky
She won’t acknowledge me!

‘Cause she’s sending troops out
Silencing the vampires
Feuding with the Catholics
Strength burning in her eyes

It’s like a bad manga
She’s the head honcho
If you were me then you’d go
“Someone shoot me, pronto!”
As I fail to bestow
A bite on the neck all the vampires want
She has the neck all the vampires want

She’s a human still and I’m her “pet” vampire
Her blood is rushing, pumped with courage and a sexy allure
Every last freak we fight would like a taste of that blood
She’ll never see that I’m the best she could ever get

And when she walks
All the wind blows under the red sky
She won’t acknowledge me!

‘Cause she’s sending troops out
Silencing the vampires
Feuding with the Catholics
Strength burning in her eyes

She’d only go for flat teeth
Heartbeat underneath
Someone who likes sunlight
Why won’t she embrace the night?

It’s like a bad manga
She’s the head honcho
If you were me then you’d go
“Someone shoot me, pronto!”
As I fail to bestow
A bite on the neck all the vampires want
She has the neck all the vampires want

There she goes again
A cross pin holds the scarf around her neck
She broke my heart, at least what I have left there
All I wanted was to see her throat bare!

Now I’m walking through walls
Shooting other vampires
Incognito, Baobhan sith
Their goal was the same as mine
I can’t live in sunlight
But I’m not Jan Valentine
Still want her to own me, own me, own me…

It’s like a bad manga
She’s the head honcho
If you were me then you’d go
“Someone shoot me, pronto!”
As I fail to bestow
A bite on the neck all the vampires want!

Incognito Notes

Incognito Notes published on No Comments on Incognito Notes

Anyone here still care about Incognito?

Over the years, some readers have been interested enough to dig up interesting tidbits, mythical connections, and possible origins that suggest he’s less random than he appeared. Here are a few of the best…


Count Orlok/Olrox, from the 1929 silent German film Nosferatu.

Andrew writes, “The reason it wasn’t simply named Dracula is that, in addition to a film already having that title, they could not secure the rights from Bram Stoker’s family…After the movie was made, the Stoker family sued the people who made it and tried to keep it from seeing the light of day ever again, which is why it is relatively unheard of. Another fun fact: it is apparently the ORIGIN of the word Nosferatu, which they seem to have made up themselves on the spot.”

In addition to the obvious visual similarities: “Another reason I think Incognito is based off of Olrox is the subliminal message that gives the Hellsing TV series: no matter how good a copy of Dracula is, he is nothing compared to the original in the end, and the original will kick his ass to prove it.”


Scurifer Illuminarei expounds on the connection with Egyptian mythology (in keeping with the references that Incognito’s origin is in Africa):

those chants he makes are part of an ancient arcane Egyptian ritual used to evoke the power of the Pharaoh gods, much like Christian Hymns and Sermons. “Rutgard Seth” literally means Rise up Set (or at least it sounds like it, could just be jibberish but I’m not one to deny the possibilities).

Incognito’s accent, his shoes, his thin physical stature and oddly shaped bald head, lack of any apparent clothing and predominant chin are all physical features of ancient Egyptian royalty as per various ancient artworks (Though I’m not sure why he’s grey other than it makes him look like a corpse or perhaps like ash not sure about that. And grey is often seen as the colour of death, like in the Bible the Death Horseman rides a grey horse)….

The purple tattoos and markings are also a hint towards this. Purple is a highly valued colour throughout the Mediterranean nations of that time, Greece certainly favoured purple, so did every other Middle Eastern nation and even the Roman Empire and Babylon I believe…Though one thing that does concern me is the sound of Tribal drums, now I’m not sure about this (because my research is a little flawed) but I believe Egypt used percussion instruments since 2000 BC which may or may be similar to tribal drumming so it does sort of work. But then again…that could have just been to set the atmosphere without having any real scientific relevance.

Also…Vampire the Masquerade calls one of their Antediluvian vampires, the most ancient of their bloodlines clans (with as much power as Alucard) Set the snake of darkness from Egypt.


Set (also spelled Seth, Setesh, Sutekh, Setekh or Suty, according to Wikipedia), is a much easier figure to establish. He’s an Egyptian god of storms, the desert, and chaos, not considered evil, just kind of freaky in the ways Egyptian deities tend to be.

There are lots of animals associated with Set, including an unidentified creature often drawn with him that’s referred to as the”Set animal.” Curiously, though, he’s not associated with snakes. Critical research failure? Or are we giving the writers too much credit, and they never researched this far to begin with? At this point it’s anyone’s guess.

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