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Top Secret Shine Templates

Top Secret Shine Templates published on No Comments on Top Secret Shine Templates

The super-top-secret templates behind most of the strips in the early years…

#1 – “Typical Pip”

Pip: [surprisingly deep remark]

Seras: Wow, Captain…that was surprisingly deep of you.

Pip: [continuation on subject with sexual innuendo]

Seras: It figures.

#2 – “Enrico and Integra”

Integra: [point of theological contention between Catholics & Protestants]


Integra: [well-crafted, intelligent rebuttal]

Enricl: Yes, but we don’t use vampires. So nyah.

#3 – “Pip and Seras”

[ANGST] [vampire] [monster] [young] [unloved] [too cute]

Pip: Do not angst, Seras. [reason to be happy]

Seras: You’re right, Pip. I feel better.

Pip: Oh good! Can we sleep together now?

Seras: [RAGE.]

[Doom Mallet]

[Repeat with new subject of angst]

#4 – “AxI”

Integra (thinking): [non-angry thought about Alucard]

[thought with the faintest suggestion of the merest hint of a very slight attraction to Alucard]

Alucard: [snarky comment]

Integra: [verbal abuse]

#5 – “Easy Storyline Template”

Seras: I have an idea!



#6 – “Temporary AxI”

Integra/Alucard (thinking): ♥ / [prejudice] / [violent denial]

+ [Pick One]
– Alcohol
– Hypnotism
– Dream sequence
– Drugs
– Magic
– Magic of Christmas
– Aliens


#7 – “Young Enrico”

Enrico: When I was a kid…


[No punch line necessary]

#8 – “Reseda”

[cute cute]

[cute cat-type activity]

Reseda: Purrrr.

Walter, Pip, Seras, cat lovers in readership: Oh, how cute!

#9 – “Walter”

Walter: Tea?

Seras: Thank you!

Walter: [innocuous comment]

Seras: [mundane reply]

Walter: [cheerful response with possible double meaning relating to homosexuality]

Seras: …

Walter: More tea?

’99 Cameos That Weren’t

’99 Cameos That Weren’t published on No Comments on ’99 Cameos That Weren’t

Pippi Longstocking. Although there were no Millennium attacks in her native Sweden, when the news reached her hometown, the incredibly strong Pippi was immediately suspected of being something not human.

She had to make a brave and daring escape, along with her horse, her monkey, her sack full of gold, and her two best friends — who, having also taken the anti-aging pills she shared with them, would have become under suspicion themselves eventually.

[Pippi in an unrealized Miyazaki storyboard.]

Saint Tail and Seira. Just your average day for a grown-up magical girl: come out of retirement, steal a Nazi mad scientist’s death ray, get home just in time to make dinner.

The Scooby Gang. In the years since getting terrified by Alucard, they’ve become an efficient monster-hunting team. They spend most of ’99 mowing down zombies, and all get medals of honor for it afterward.

Well, except the one who tragically died to save the others. I’ll leave it to you to imagine who.

Ms. Frizzle’s Third Grade Class. Not in third grade, now: they’re well out of high school. But they remember everything they learned.

They all knew the day would come when that crazy (favorite) teacher of theirs would call them up. Of all her classes, over all the years, they had the most experience with the bus. And each one of them answers the request gladly.

After all, at college, you never get to pilot a mecha.

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