Q. What canonically happened to the Vatican?
A. I’ll answer this for each Iscariot…starting with Enrico, who died of falling-from-a-great-height-related complications.
Enrico: Heinkel…let me die pretty…
Enrico (thinking): Strange…why do I feel like a teenager?
Baalberith: I’m Baalberith. And I was scheduled to be your guide to the afterlife today.
We had your place in the circle all warmed up and ready. But then you went and did a last-minute act of selflessness. Completely screwing up my paperwork!
Also, this guy showed up and lobbied for you.
Baalberith: The point is, we’ll let you out of your sentence, on condition of five thousand hours of community guardian-angel service. And it has to be protecting non-Catholics.
Enrico: If I agree to do this, will you put a shirt on?
Anderson: No problem.