Jon: …with Stephen Colbert at The Colbert Report! Stephen, my friend! How are you?

Stephen: The real question is, Jon…how are you?

Jon: Me? I’m doing okay.

Stephen: Really, Jon? Really? Because unnamed sources tell me you got bitten in the attack. Don’t you think you’re a little…too okay?

Jon: “Unnamed sources”? Stephen, it’s been all over the news. Yeah, I got bitten. And since then, three religious institutions and two governments have certified me still human.

Stephen: O RLY?

Because you’re looking awfully pale tonight.

Jon: Listen, it’s been a long week–

Stephen: And when was the last time you were seen in a church?

Jon: I’m Jewish! And who are you to talk about other people being pale, anyway?

Stephen: Jon, I…I can’t believe you would make fun of the skin condition that prevents me from tanning…
[sniff]

Jon: Oh, geez, Stephen, I didn’t know…

Stephen: It’s tragic, Jon…I am just that white.

Jon: See you in a minute, Stephen.

Stephen: Yes, Master.