World's second-most-popular Hellsing-related comic.
Madeline: I zank you for your ‘elp tonight, Seras Victoria. Ze ‘Oly League will ‘andle ze cleanup.
I am zorry for zhooting down your comrades in ‘Ellsing earlier zis evening. I ‘ope zey are not too angry.
Seras: There are other soldiers from Hellsing here?
Pip: So, ah, teleporting. Weird, huh?
Police officer: “Your camera, please. Thank you.”
Citizen: “You can’t–”
Madeline: “She’s a very strange vampire . . .
She doesn’t seem . . . evil.”
Pip: “You’re right! She’s too cute for that.”
On the ground (East Pillar):
Gendarme (police officer): Votre appareil-photo, s’il vous plait. Merci.
Citoyenne mécontent (ticked citizen): Vous pouvez pas–
Up there somewhere:
Seras: The diagonal elevator isn’t so bad once you’re used to it.
Madeline: Elle est un vampire trés étrange…
Elle ne semble pas…malfaisante.
Pip: Vous avez raison! Elle est troop mignonne pour ça.
Seras: You’re talking about me, aren’t you?
Diane: “You’re only a child!”
Like the Tokyo Tower, the Eiffel Tower is used for telecommunications; the radio antenna on the top does indeed, from far away, look like a cross.
Diane: Vous n’êtes qu’une enfante!
Seras: Okay, lady, here’s a basic rule of being a vampire:
Never — pick a fight — around things — that are shaped —
— like crosses.
>More and more people like this parody’s author are sending me modified song lyrics. Keep ’em coming!
Well, Maxwell has Heinkel and Yumie
Millennium, it had a thousand men
But Master, you in luck, ’cause in this room
You got a creature stronger than all themYou got some power from your father, now
You got a vampire who has been made tame
You got some punch, pizazz, yahoo, and how
See all you gotta do is call my name
And I’ll say:Master Integra, Sir
What will your pleasure be?
Let me take your order
Shoot freaks down
You ain’t never had a pet like me!Protection is your job
And I’m your sword and shield!
C’mon order what it is you want
You ain’t never had a pet like me!Yes, sir, I pride myself on violence
You’re the Knight, Countess, the boss!
Say what you wish: it’s yours, right quick!
How about a little light for that cigar?Give me some blood type A,
and lots of blood type B
I’ve got the urge to help you, Sir
You ain’t never had a pet like me!Can your soldier do this?
Does your butler do that?
Do your troops pull this
From your little hats?Can other knights go, poof?
…well, looky here!Can your soldiers go “Release control art restrictions!”
And make the target simply disappear?So while your uncle sits there, sans an arm
If he tries anything he won’t get far!
I’ll keep you safe from any kind of harm!
He won’t hurt so much as a strand of hairI got a powerful gun to help you out
So whatcha wish? I really wanna know
You got a list that’s three miles long, no doubt
Well, all you gotta do’s command like so–
And, oh,Master Integra, sir, I’ll kill the enemy
I’m on the job, their plans I.ll stop
You aint never had a pet, never had a pet
You aint never had a pet, never had a pet
You ain’t never had a pet like me!
Madeline: “A vampire and a man who work together . . . who are you?”
Pip: “It’s simple . . . We’re Hellsing.”
Pip: Gotcha.
Madeline: Un vampire et un homme qui travaillent ensemble…quie etes-vous?!
Pip: Cést simple…
Nous sommes Hellsing.
Pip: “She was there – but -”
Madeline: “. . . Be careful, young man. This girl is a vampire. She drinks blood. It’s certain that she will violate you.”
Pip (thinking): The opposite is more likely . . .
Seras is trying to say “Look out!”
Pip: Elle était là — mais —
Madeline: …Soyez prudent, jeune homme. Cette fille est une vampire. Elle boit du sang. C’est sur qu’elle vous violera.
Pip: Euh…
Seras: Pip? What’s she saying?
Pip (thinking): Ce serait plutôt le contraire…
Seras: Um — um — attention!
Madeline: “Quick — where’d it go?”
Seras: No way is that thing human.
Madeline: Vite — où est-elle alleé?
Pip: Wow, mignonette — it’s somebody smaller than you!
The Tower here is a model from tour-eiffel.fr opened in DAZ Studio.
Actual films of the lit-up tower are (with dubious validity) copyrighted. (Not that I had one anyway…)
Note: Flashing animated strip tomorrow.
Pip: We should be going, mignonette.
Seras: Oh, let’s just stay a little longer…
It’s so beautiful up here — the view’s gorgeous. Why leave?
Just look at — wait, what’s that?
Pip: That’s why.
Sara/Joelle also wrote the first HellSING! RENT parody.
In honor of RENT coming out as a movie (squee!! RENT is coming out as a movie!!), we have another RENT song parody, brought to you by the lovely Sara. Presenting: the Waltz Alucard!
(Of course, since it’s not a whole new song, just a set of rewritten lyrics to the Tango Maureen, it’s still a tango, not a waltz. So you’ll just have to pretend.)
[Integra]
Walter?[Walter]
Sir…?[Integra]
I didn’t think I’d called you…[Walter]
Thought I heard…well, can I help, since I’m here?[Integra]
I’ll handle it myself.[Walter]
Great! I’ll just be…[Integra]
Wait!
Maybe you can relate…I’m looking for my pen, and have you seen–
[Walter]
I didn’t mean…is that really everything?[Integra]
No — no — no — no[Walter]
Start it at the top[Integra]
I feel weird[Walter]
You feel weird[Integra]
Always, weird[Walter]
Okay, weird[Integra]
And I think I’m about to go insane
Psyche’s under attack, feeling eyes on my back
Like there’s somebody else in my brain[Walter]
Think you’re losing your mind
And the same daily grind
Is abruptly, frustratingly hard?[Integra]
Wait, have you felt the same?[Walter]
Your problem has a name
It’s called: the Waltz AlucardThe Waltz Alucard…
He and I used to dance as a team
Defeating the bad guys
To help the Allies[Integra]
You’re wrong
He’s a servant to me[Walter]
But it plays with your head when your partner’s undead
And his tempting makes you want to scream[Integra]
So you must stay on your guard…[Both]
The Waltz Alucard[Walter]
Have you ever let his innuendo get to you?[Integra]
Never![Walter]
Have you entertained a stray thought or two?[Integra]
That’s…private![Walter]
Did those thoughts sneak up from your blind side, or did you…choose it?[tactful silence]
Did the two of you ever…you know…
[Walter]
Classfiied.[Integra]
I’m gonna…lose it![Walter]
It’s hard to do this at my age…[Integra]
You’re a human; that’s why!I need him!
[Walter]
Hellsing needs him![Integra]
Can’t defeat it![Walter]
History repeats![Integra]
I feel cheated, I did not want this part![Walter]
Unavoidable, since
If you give him an inch[Integra]
He’ll drain all the sense from your heart![Both]
So you question what’s right
What is black and what’s white
You get lost somewhere in shades of grey[Walter]
If you could, would you choose?[Integra]
Well, I can’t, but I muse–[Walter]
And that’s how it’s going to stay![Both]
The Waltz Alucard
Gotta dance ’til your mission is done
Despite moral confusion
Causing mental contusions
Try to stick to what’s fair while your nerves are laid bare
And at your inmost thoughts he pokes fun[Integra]
And though his taunts leave you jarred[Walter]
They’ll make you stronger, just scarred
…I found your pen[Integra]
Alucard![Walter]
Did you just hear something?[Integra]
Bleep.[Both]
The Waltz Alucard!