Pip: But it could happen, boss…I’ve seen weirder things on the battlefield.
Integra: Considering how likely it is, you’ve “prepared” her quite enough. Now you need to focus on your actual duties.
Pip: Oh, come on…
How do you expect me to concentrate when my vision is blocked by miniature replicas of the Pyrenees?
Pip: Boss, you gotta understand — I don’t harass Seras! I just…”prepare” her for certain situations.
Integra: I highly doubt that Officer Victoria will be sexually harassed in the field…
…by someone whom she cannot just shoot in response.
Pip: Well, when you put it that way.
Much of the dialog in the following scene comes from an AIM conversation with the appropriately usernamed Pip Bernadette.
Note from The Future: I have so much retroactive *facepalm* at most of this storyline. And not just the lines I didn’t write, either. Pip gets better later, honest.
Pip: Hey, boss! So how do I look in the uniform?
Integra: …Official. Captain, I called you here because a complaint against you has been raised which needs to be addressed.
I’m sure you can guess why.
Pip: Haven’t a clue, boss.
Integra: It was raised by senior officer Seras Victoria.
Pip: Oh. Now I do.
Secretary — official title “scriptor.”
Baalberith has much history in Earth’s demonology, most of it exaggerated. Was a cherub before siding with Lucifer in the Fall. Now a secretary & keeper of the archives in Hell. Has special jurisdiction over subcircle 814: enemies of Hellsing.
– Eyes: same size as Seras’. Red.
– Short figure: just over 5 heads tall.
– Shorter than Seras; taller than Helena.
– Wide mouth to accommodate extra-long teeth. (Draw mouth first, then add those teeth.)
– Pointed ears.
– Furry all over.
– Short ponytail — a bit like Walter’s.
– Personality: cheerful when in power; easily switches to overbearing when angry. Potential depths of nastiness have not even been scratched.
— Crush on Integra’s shoulder devil.
– Androgynous; has a slight, girlish built. Faint suggestion of a bust. Masculine face.
– Legs “bend bacakwards”, like a horse’s. (“Backwards knees” are actually ankles.)
– Legs: Human — Cat — Horse
– Accessories: stack of paper; ballpoint pen; cell phone.
– Remember: EVIL DEMON. When truly provoked, NOT CUTE.
These two are site inspectors for Hell’s construction authorities.
– Long horns; small wings.
– Hands have two fingers.
– Androgynous, like Baalberith; muscular but slender body; girlish (if anything) face.
– Craggy, rough skin (flood fill: texture “Dead Wood”, blend mode “Darken”)
– Named in the style of Dante’s demons (e.g. Malacoda — meaning “evil-claws”). Malpeau = “bad-skin”
– Feet: claws like those of a chicken.
– Speaks in font Bookman Old Style
– Masculine, with cat-based features.
– Long black claws.
– Broad shoulders; thick torso + limbs.
– Ugly muddy-yellow fur.
– Name is German for the yowling of cats; also, slang for a hangover. Tribute to early comic strip The Katzenjammer Kids.
– Speaks in font Benguiat Frisky ATT, with miscellaneous mix of English accents.
Also on Deviantart.
Angel: She’ll never forsake her duty for him, you know.
Devil: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Limited releassse complete. Sssee you nexxxt time!
Angel: Helena, my purpose in coming here was to get you out as well.
Helena: It’s all frozen; I can’t go up.
Angel: Not a problem for a servant of God. Shall we?
Helena: In that case…it would be my pleasure.
Devil: I’m leaving as well.
They’ll need us all on duty to get the furnaces running again.
Helena: This ties up all the loose ends very nicely…
Angel: Deus ex machinas have a way of doing that.
Angel: Oh, it’s you.
Devil: My counterpart shoulder angel…nice to see you too.
Angel: Getting rid of fangirls is easy with God’s power. Simply pull them off…
…and deposit them in the portal leading back to their world of origin.
Shoulder angel: If you have faith as small as a grain of mustard seed…nothing will be impossible for you, for with God all things are possible.
Shoulder devil: Oh, brother…a deus ex machina.
Laura: What do we do with these last three fans?
Sett: We’ve had no sssucccesss in delighting them, and I can think of no sssurprissse more ssshocking than the one we just had.
Laura: Well, can you?
Voice: There is one other way.