December 4, 2004
We finally have confirmation on a vampire that we’ve been tracking in the United States for thirty-two years. Permission to infiltrate and dispose of him has been granted. He’s an old and wily one, so the job won’t be easy. Think you can handle it?
Anderson: With the Lord as my shield, I will.
Enrico: Then go. In nomine patris et filii et spiritus sancti.
December 31, 2004
Enrico: Is he really that hard to kill?
TV: Recovering from a minor stroke, Dick Clark won’t preside over tonight’s countdown in New York City for the first time in 32 years.
Erin: Hey! I said there wouldn’t be karaoke this month!
Fangirl 1: Tough. We’re doing the Grinch song!
Fangirl 2: And we’re not even changing the lyrics. Well, only a little bit…
Fangirls: You’re a mean one, Mrs. Grinch
You really are a heel
You’re as cuddly as a cactus,
you’re as charming as an eel, Mrs. Grinch!
You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel!
You’re a monster, Mrs. Grinch.
Your heart’s an empty hole!
Your brain is full of spiders,
You’ve got garlic in your soul, Mrs. Grinch!
I wouldn’t touch you with a 39½-foot pole!
You’re a vile one, Mrs. Grinch.
You have termites in your smile!
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile, Mrs. Grinch!
(Given the choice between the two of you,
I’d take the seasick crocodile!)
You’re a foul one, Mrs. Grinch.
You’re a nasty-wasty skunk!
Your heart is full of unwashed socks;
Your soul is full of gunk, Mrs. Grinch!
The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:
“Stink. Stank. Stunk!”
You’re a rotter, Mrs. Grinch.
You’re the queen of sinful sots!
Your heart’s a dead tomato splotched
with moldy purple spots, Mrs. Grinch!
Your soul is an appalling dung heap overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of rubbish imaginable, mangled up in tangled-up knots!
You nauseate me, Mrs. Grinch
With a nauseous super-naus!
You’re a crooked, jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked hoss, Mrs. Grinch!
You’re a three-decker sauerkraut and toadstool sandwich with arsenic sauce!
Erin: I didn’t approve of this, I swear.
Integra: Good. Because after putting me in this dress, you’re in enough trouble already.
“What do you mean, you want to be a dentist?!”
… Maybe next year.
The Grinch – Hellsing Remix
Sir Integral as The Grinch
Sera as Cindy Lou Who
Alucard as Max
and Walter as…
um, some miscellaneous Who.
But he cooks a mean roast beast.
Coming to DVD and VHS December 32, 2004.
I (Seras) have now said about all I’ll say.
As midnight has passed, it is now Christmas day.
There’s one more details, that’s last but not least.
We’re having an early-morn Christmassy feast.
And I think you can guess who will carve the roast beast!
And the soldiers? Not one man showed up Christmas Day.
(Have you asked, “What did Walter’s forgotten note say?”)
This one order you won’t have to follow.
I’m sure that she will change her mind by tomorrow.
Now, for Walter to make such a call was quite tough.
But he knows Integra, and he knows his stuff.
Yes, I said “Integra!” No, you needn’t flinch!
We don’t, any more, think of her as “The Grinch.”
(So what did the Geese do? I’m sorry you asked.
They partied, mixed eggnog with rum, and got smashed.)
And the minute her heart didn’t feel quite so tight,
They went back upstairs in the midnight moonlight!
They put the wreaths back up!
The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel!
The trimmings! The trappings!
And what happened then…
Well, in London they say
her grinch-grip on her heart
loosed three sizes that day!
The Grinch, with her grinch-feet ice cold on the stone,
stood puzzling and puzzling. How could that be so?
Could power like that take effect on that day-
that could, even over true vampires, hold sway?
She puzzled and puzzled till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something she hadn’t before.
Maybe Christmas has not been co-opted by stores.
Maybe Christmas still means just little bit more!
The vampire gave her his usual grin.
“The day Jesus was born to save humans from sin.
And so on and so forth; now, whether it’s true,
I don’t give much thought, although most humans do.
So I wouldn’t think much of it, Van Helsing daughter —
except that, on that day, blood just tastes like water.”