The rants of Erica, Alyssa, and Alex (the only gay fanboy; however, since there are far more fangirls overall, the gay/straight ratio is about the same for fanboys as fangirls) deserved special attention: they came with built-in punchlines!

Fan 1: HIS SHEER PYSCHOTICNESS IS SPIFFY BECAUSE THE WAY HE LOVES TO KILL PEOPLE IS COOL (O.o in fiction! i’m not deranged! XD

Alucard (thinking): That’s debatable.

Fan 1: AND HIS FANGS ARE SEXY TOO AND I LOVE HOW HE LOOKS WITHOUT HIS HAT AND GLASSES AND VAMPIRES ARE JUST SPIFFY IN GENERAL BECAUSE BEING UNDEAD IS AWESOME AND I LOVE THE WAY HIS VOICE SOUNDS IN THE ANIME, IT’S SO SEXY AND I LOVE THE HIS GUN, IT’S AN AWESOME WEAPON AND HIS ABILITY TO TRANSFORM INTO RANDOM THINGS IS BEYOND COOL ! *breathes once more* AND I can’t seem to think of anything more at the moment. Stupid allergies messing up my BRAIN!

Fan 2: Alucard is the kawaiiest and bestest

Alucard (thinking): She’s thinks I’m “kawaii”? What am I doing wrong?

Fan 2: of all vampires! Even Lestat isn’t as cool as he! He has the neatest hat and he must have hundreds of pairs of sunglasses in a drawer or something because they break almost every episode, and his suit is so adorable! And he got his head blown off by ANdersong and then it came back all cool and stuff and then he shoots off Andersong’s arm. And then when you think he can’t get any greater he can turn into a wonky hellhound and like ate or something Luke!

Fan 3: Alucard is so cute and I just love the way his glasses are the way they are all shiny and cool and I love his pointy pointy teeth and his blaze-faire attitude and his hair is so rugged and charming and I really love his hat which is all floopy and cute and his pretty pointy teeth and YEEK! did I mention that already???

Alucard (thinking): Wait… this is a fanboy…

Chibi Integra and Seras: Now you know how we feel.