An old manuscript takes our story back to the late 1930s. There’s a storm approaching England, a beautiful girlish vampire stalking the night, and a young orphan in need of instruction on . . . butlering. Only butlering. No secret agent training going on here, nosirree.
Integra: Hmm… Oh, it’s you. I don’t need a babysitter. Alucard: Yes, Master.
Integra: How long…? Alucard: You’ve slept for nine hours. Integra: Really! Well, that’s quite enou– [SWAY] –nngh. Or not.
[hff hff] Integra: All right. Point taken. No sitting up yet. …You can let go now. Alucard: Yes, Master.
Alucard: Dr. Trevelyan says you’re to stay off your feet for at least a day after the fever breaks. Integra: I suppose after a combination demon-fangirl onslaught attacks my house, I’m entitled to a little peace and quiet. Alucard: Yes, Master. Would you like me to leave? Integra: Actually…would you read me a story?
Alucard: …read you a story? Integra: Not just any story. Yomiko Readman gave me two old manuscripts for my birthday. You remember her? Agent Paper, with the British Library… …fought you to a draw using only a notebook… Alucard: Oh, that Yomiko Readman.
Cameos: Holmes & Watson. The published version of “The Adventure of the Sussex Vampire” can be found on Wikilivres. The uncensored original involved the proprietor of a somewhat shady pet shop in the Chinese quarter. Shortly: Alucard: “The adventure of the Sussex vampire.” By John H. Watson, MD. Being one of the most curious cases… Continue reading Isn’t That A Little Bit Dangerous, Jeeves? 7/60
These are, of course, the heroes of the Jeeves stories by P. G. Wodehouse, which are basically what Jane Austen’s books would have been like if they had been written by Douglas Adams. Some of the books are on Wikisource and Project Gutenberg. There’s also a manga adaptation of one of the stories, available on… Continue reading Isn’t That A Little Bit Dangerous, Jeeves? 8/60
Bertie Wooster’s vocabulary is very esoteric. There’s a partial list of expressions here. Bertie (narrating): It’s not often that my man Jeeves runs into a set of circs. he can’t handle. He’s absolutely topping at dealing with pesky engagements and overbearing aunts. But when my cousin’s fiancée began smashing dinner-tables in one go, I confess… Continue reading Isn’t That A Little Bit Dangerous, Jeeves? 9/60
Bertie: I suppose the whole rummy situation got its start the week before… What ho, Jeeves! Jeeves: Sir! You’re home early… Bertie: Yes, well, bit of a fuss down at the club. Thought I’d better biff off before the constables broke it up, what? Jeeves: Indeed, sir. I must warn you– [CRASH!] Bertie: I say,… Continue reading Isn’t That A Little Bit Dangerous, Jeeves? 10/60