2006: Fangirls Are All The Same

graphThe fourth fangirl storyline was also a tag to the first Read or Die crossover, which would become an integral part of the series.

This time around, only about a third of applications were accepted, based on a combination of how interesting they were and whether they followed all the rules. To prove that they had been paying attention, one rule was for applicants to include the word "wombat" somewhere in their email. If you see the word in odd places in some of these profiles, that's why.

These fans were eventually dispatched by giving them autographs, a technique suggested by Nenene Sumiregawa.

The Jackal

Alucard's gun. What? Clearly cool enough to have a fan:

fangirl Name: Neeri Fan of: The Jackal
Pairings shipped: AxI, as loyal lifelong companions
Personality: Reserved as fangirling goes; while the rest of her fan impulses have matured into a dignified issue, the instant she sees Alucard pull out that gun, she's putty. All those giggly, squealy, jumping up and down and nearly drooling urges spring to the surface and she is unashamed with expressing them. If she caught a glimpse of that gun she would throw herself at it to cling tightly--Even if it looked at first as if she were going for an inappropriate area inside Alucard's coat.
Rant: MMmmmm gun gun gun gun gun! I looove the Jackal, it's so big, so strong, so powerful, so easy to decapitate with. Such a looong barrel that I just want to hug and squeeze and rub between my... *blush* What? Can't a girl have a private moment with a weapon of destruction!?
Miscellany: Instead of an autograph (as the Jackal couldn't sign one), she gets sent home with a bullet.

Sumiregawa Nenene

Talented author; holds her own in the company of superheroes; definitely deserved more fans than just this one:

fangirl Name: Erin
Fan of: Nenene Sumiregawa
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, HxY/Y, IxM (one-sided crush), Axy!W, YomikoxNenene
Personality: Your noble doujinshi-ka. Frustrated that Nenene doesn't have more fans, but adores her enough for a crowd.
Rant: Nenene's hot and brilliant and tough and spiffy and...
Miscellany: Blog; on DeviantArt; on YouTube

Takagi Yumiko and Yumie

A normal-looking woman with (at least) two personalities: one a sweet and timid nun, the other a berserker who kills for the Iscariot Organization. Her fans:

fangirl Name: Kristin
Pairings shipped: HeinkelxYumiko
Personality: Usually loud, cheerful, told she's obnoxious. Quiet around those she admires and doesn't wish to scare away.
Rant: It's Yumiko XD She's got a split persona that kills ppls ^_^ What's there not to love? Honestly she's just sooooo cute when she's all shy and then UBER cool when she's Yumie! *Hides in her little hood thingy* I bet you her hair is REALLY pretty, in the mangas you only get to see a little bit of it. Makes me sad how she hides it. And she was just the CUTEST in that maids outfit! *dances* Everyone should get a daily dose of the cuteness that ish her!! XD

fangirl Name: Sarah
Pairings shipped: AxI, if in subtle undertones
Personality: Sometimes shy and retiring, sometimes all-out and raving; slightly eccentric, a bit like Yumiko. Catholic, though not very devout. Wouldn't snuggle up to characters, not because she doesn't think they're awesome or inspiring, but because Alucard would eat her, Integra would slice her head off, and Yumiko might well turn into Yumie and kebab her with a ketana.
Rant: You want a really fantastic character? Then why oh why are you ignoring Yumiko? I certainly donít see how you can ignore Yumie! Just think: Yumikoís such a sweetie-pie! And Yumieís so sharp, like a rabid penguin with knives! And they have a DUAL PERSONALITY, which I think is just the business! I mean, hit Yumiko, and next second you get your hand cut off by Yumie and her katana! Unless youíre Heinkel, in which case itís okay. Really, you can see how great a character they are by the fact that they can attract fans who occasionally use punctuation.
Miscellany: On Fanfiction.net

Heinkel Wolfe

Yumie/ko's partner, a gender-ambiguous gunslinger. Hir fans:

fangirl Name: Nobu
Pairings shipped: HxYumiko
Personality: Crazy about fandoms; somewhat of a perv. "Heinkel and Integra = OMGHUGEBOOBSYEY (well, big enough to put mine to shame anyway, particularly Integra's...)." A leader; loves to have as much fun with the moment as possible. Enjoys the romantic side of my fandom MUCH more than the fighting side, but if they're mixed together, isn't not going to complain. Sometimes finds herself pondering strange subjects.
Rant: Heinkel is GORGEOUS!! Her hair is so swishy and reminds me of Haruka from Sailor Moon not just because she's totally into women but also because she's dead SEXY! The glasses just add to the smex, and that lovely BUST don't even get me started. Yeah that's right, pull out that gun and strike a pose. (and maybe draw Yumiko a bit closer!) I'm adding the word "Heinkelgasm" to Webster's. It deserves a place in the english language.
Miscellany: On LiveJournal

fangirl Name: Allison
Pairings shipped: HxAA, HxYumie, WxS, SxP, AxI
Personality: Only in Hellsing for the pairings. Ships HeinkelxAlex like a madwoman. Prefers Heinkel without breasts, as opposed to the Crossfire version. A bit of a pervert, a little kinky, likes to make references to priest/nun fetishes and latex. Thinks Yumie would look really hot in a latex nun outfit.
Rant: Heinkel is cool, Heinkel is sexy and she doesnít need ridiculously huge breasts to be sexy! And she wears a cassock! Come on, who isnít turned on by a cassock? Ooh, the guns! She shoots people and doesnít care! Sheís an insane killer just like the rest of Iscariot only cooler because sheís HEINKEL! Anderson was insane to choose Integra over her! Heinkel Heinkel HEINKEL! Did I forget my medication this morning? I think I did. But Iím touching Heinkel! Super nosebleed of DOOM!
Miscellany: On Fanfiction.net

Name: Patty
Pairings shipped: HxYumie, PxS
Personality: Cuddly like a wombat. Bubbly, pouty, and an attention hog. Normally a plot fan, but in Hellsing absolutely loves the fighting. Thinks Crossfire is awesome on a stick.
Rant: Mein Leibe! Heinkeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel! Youíre just so wonderful and powerful and snarky with you need to get things done and oh youíre just so amazing! I was kinda disappointed when it finally hit me that would werenít a guy but that doesnít matter because Iíd SOOO turn lesbian for you. And if youíre not willing to do that, well I can turn into a man! Youíre just so cool with the kapow and the take that and the rawrgrrzomgeekcrash!!!! Ich habe mir dich vergeliebt!

Yomiko Readman

She loves books, and the books love her back: she uses her paper-controlling powers in service of the secret operations of the British Library. Her fans:

fangirl Name: Prof. Xuanwu
Pairings shipped: Yomiko x Integra, Yomiko x Seras, Yomiko x Nenene, Yomiko x Yumiko, Yomiko x Heinkel, Yomiko x Schroe, Yomiko x Rippy, Yomiko x Young Walter, Yomiko x Girlycard, Yomiko x Shoujocard (heh), Yumiko x Heinkel, Yumie x Heinkel, Integra x Yumiko/Yumie, Alucard x Walter (mostly a platonic shipping at Walter's age, but they make a good team), Pip x Yumiko/Yumie (ala the Coyote manga), Nenene x Integra, Nenene x Yumiko
Personality: "Yomiko's bosom calls to me! Though I would likely start out by clinging to her glasses. Right smack in the middle of the bridge of her nose. Any fanboy/girl who suggests she should take her glasses off would face a mini-barrage of little bits of paper smacking them around. In fact, make that true of any fanboy/girl who suggests any girl should remove their glasses."
Rant: [Rather than ranting, plays a game with Yomiko.]
Miscellany: The Create a Comic Project

fangirl Name: Angelboy
Pairings shipped: YomikoxNenene, YomikoxYumiko, SxP, IxS
Personality: A little on the spastic side. Goes into Yomiko's hair and hides there.
Miscellany: Webcomic

fangirl Name: Ann
Pairings shipped: YomikoxNancy, YomikoxJoker
Personality: Hyper, and adores Yomiko's tie. Sneezes a lot. Likes violence (Yay Violence!)
Rant: Yomiko, Yomiko, my favorite homie-ko, (sneeze) she loves books-ko and looks very smart-ko, I like (sneeze) to hug her-ko, cause shes awesome-ko! Yomiko! Yay! (sneeze)

fangirl Name: Angel Yami-ko
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxP
Personality: Let me put it this way - as Yomiko is to books, she is to manga (minus the more *ahem* questionable things she does when finding said books). Would sit on Yomiko's shoulder and read along and obsess with books with her. Would try to steal Alucard's nifty hat. Has a bit of a sadistic sense of humor (hence - amusing Alucard). Overly polite, using "please" and proper suffixes ("Alucard-sama/Master Alucard," "Integra-sama/Sir Integra," "Yomiko-sensei/Miss Yomiko," "Victoria-san/Miss Victoria," and "Pip-hentai" most commonly) all the time when talking about characters.
Rant: Yomiko is so cool with the way she uses paper as weapons! I can barely do basic origami and she can use her abilities to ake braces and swords and planes! It's so sad that Nancy had to die, but I know Yomiko will be okay! She's a tough girl!

Seras Victoria

Her fans:

fangirl Name: Ahab
Pairings shipped: PxS, Sxself
Personality: Tries to maintain a Zen balance between goth and hyper-peppy. Is a pervert to the end that Pip is a pervert - mostly for laughs. Will cuddle anything he's attached to; will focus on romance during peacetime, but with someone Seras doesn't like, or when Pip decides to get grabby in a way that aggravates Seras, will bite and scratch and hadoken and rally Seras to re-enact the American Civil War upon whomever is in her way. Just wants to see his police girl with a smile on her face.
Rant: AHHHHHH, MY SERAS! Oh, how many ways I do adore you! Your strength inhuman, your perfect, ample figure! How I love your bright red eyes, so full of emotion, so tender, revealing your last precious trace of humanity! I relish in your golden hair, your creamy complexion! Alucard be damned! Integra be damned! It is you, and you alone that keeps Hellsing interesting! Oh, Seras Victoria, what I would give for but a fraction of your prowess, a nip of your affection! I did cachinnate at those lowly Geese (my apologies Pip), frightened by but a fraction of your power!
(if Seras gets in a pinch:) Damnation to the all! Bathe them in hellfire, let them feel the sting of Harkonnen! Mow them down, chop them to bits, emulsify them! Oh, how I pity you who would stand and attack! Burn, break, flay! Rip, tear, shred! Show no mercy! KILL, KILL, KILL!!!!!

Name: Zach
Pairings shipped: AxS, SxP, SxI, AxAA
Personality: Loves the fighting, but pairings are intriguing as well. Would be hanging on to Seras urging her to flip out - either that or kiss Integra, maybe even feel her up a little.
Rant: Ohmgah, Seras totally needs to flip out and kill something now, cuz she's totally hot when she does that, 'course, she's also totally hot when she licked Integra's hand that one time, so maybe she ought to go do that, maybe even a little kiss, I mean, what's a little peck between friends, right? It was also pretty cute when she was snogging with Pip, but good God, she's so cool, and I can totally relate to her cuz she only know whats going on, like, half the time, but she still fights like a valkyrie and is strong willed and cute and holy crap and wombat.
Miscellany: Doesn't say "eeeeeeeeeeee" on entry, but "arrrrrrrrrr", because pirates rock his socks.

fangirl Name: John Hobbs
Pairings shipped: PxS; WxS; HxP
Personality: Tends to be dour and cynical, but is extremely excitable around weaponry. A fight between Yumie and Walter would probably make him faint.
Rant: Oh My god! Itís Seras! She has the biggest gun ever; itís so big, so powerful! It can take out a tank and isnít no namby-pamby peashooter like Alucardís or simply pathetic like Father Alexanderís knives! Itís the best weapon ever, I love it so much, and because she owns it, her too! Sheís just the best ever because of her gun! It must be like, a 75mm bore! Thatís big, bigger then big, thatís the biggest and baddest personal weapon ever! Sheís so strong, so badass to carry that thing. Wish I could own and operate such an impressive firearm!

fangirl Name: Bill
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: Would work his way to cuddling in certain places, but would stop if Seras objected. Shy, but wouldn't be hiding. Likes the intrigue and action of the series.
Rant: Seras is one of the easiest characters to understand. A young girl, drawn into a world she never knew, struggling to hold onto shreds of her humanity, as she comes to grasp with her life, or should I say, un-life. She also has a set of big, beautiful, lovely... eyes. Those eyes can draw me in like a hurt child, or drive me away like a ravenous lion. Seras is lovely, even if her hair did go from strawberry-blonde to pure blonde...
Miscellany: On Fanfiction.net

fangirl Name: Ray Torres
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI
Personality: Very blunt and loud, never really shy. A tad bit pervy, and very into character romance.
Rant: OMIGOSHH!!! Seras pwns! I mean, isn't she the coolest!? She and Pip need to totally hook-up! And what's with the uniform? It needs to be waayyy shorter on the skirt. If he wasn't so old, I would think Walter was making a pass at her!

Pip Bernadette

His fans:

fangirl Name: Spike
Pairings shipped: SxP
Personality: Kinda shy, but not enough to hide the whole time. Likes the fighting and the romance about the same. "Pip is just an awesome badass on the field, but he's sweet and funny when it comes to romance. Don't make me choose!" Would like to ride on top of Pip's head and direct him.
Rant: PIP! Pip's da man! Who da man?! PIP DA MAN! Sure, Alucard's got those big fancy guns, and Walter has his floss, but they don't have the suave, awesomeness Frenchiness that is Pip! He's got that awesome long braid that's almost like a whip, HA! INDIANA PIP! He's not only the man, he's the badass pimp. And...um...that's all I got, I'll be quiet now.
Miscellany: On LiveJournal.

fangirl Name: Shredder
Pairings shipped: AxP
Personality: Attracted to Pip's romance, roguish attitude and the whole battle scenes that he was in. Equally attached to the devil-may-care thing as to his constant flirtation with Seras, however undeserving she may be. Would be the fangirl to pounce and attack others in a fight about how cool a character is (even if it's not Pip).
Rant: How could anyone NOT like Pip? His charming wit! His devil-may-care smile! That kick ass eyepatch and that long braid to play with! I mean, Alucard is undead and Walterís got his dental-floss-of death, but Pipís got GUNS! And thatís all he needs aside from someone to love him like I do! Plus he had a guitar on one of the chapter covers, which is all the more reason to see why heís such an ideal guy! The man can rock and kick your butt at the same time no problem! The Brittanica Cowboy! Be still, my beating heart.
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

fangirl Name: Nami
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI, HxY/Y, AxAA
Personality: Just as perverted as Pip. Acts like a shoulder devil, would probably tell Pip to say or do evil and/or perverted things. Thinks Seras is hot; knows Pip does too. *evil grin* Extremely obsessive about PxS, too, and thinks Pip looks hot when he's fighting.
Rant: WHOA BOY, where do I start on the complete awesomeness that's Pip? Well let's begin by saying he's REALLY SEXY. I mean, just look at his gorgeous orange hair, in that awesome braid! and he throws it over his shoulder like FWIP all casual, and no one else can make an eyepatch quite as sexy as Pip, I mean rawr, the way his bangs fall around it. And check out his outfits! This guy knows how to dress! Whoo, smexy! And that delicious french accent, c'est si fantastique. Pip's the greatest, hottest french badass EVAH. *licks him* Vive le Pip!
Miscellany: On DeviantArt; runs DA PipxSeras Fanclub

fangirl Name: Arstein [on the hair]
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI
Personality: Would prefer to cling to the end of his braid, turn it into a flail of sorts rather than just a whip...Sway on it back and forth and cause it to swing out and around Seara's neck and pull her in to him ^_~. And then be used by Seara to beat Pip with :P Romance and fighting ^^ ... Seara better bite him one of these days, a vicious love bite, not to suck his blood though...Well... Maybe on that... Either way. Ahh, the wonders of long hair ^^ ...Used to have a 16 inch mullet... Had it cut and donated to the IWK a year ago.
Rant: YAY! Pip! He's so COOL! C'mon! The hair! It's like... Four feet long! ... Wonder how long it is when it's not braided... Seara needs to give him more breaks... Of both bones and for tender moments. He does deserve them. Break him, then make sure he gets better! I'd say better than before but that's not possible without him becoming a power vamp like Alucard and by then things'd be more focused on their children or more likely Integra and Alucards kids... But they'd all be friends cause they'd all be vamp or half vamp and that's turbo cool!
Miscellany: On Myspace, DeviantArt

fangirl Name: Natalie
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI, Axy!W
Personality: Definately a perv, will hang on anything she can grab. Really. Would be interesting in both the ships and the fighting, but a little more in the fighting.
Rant: Who can't love a red head? Or a french man? Or a french red head! Pip's so cool, 'cause he's a pervert, and he can shoot guns all nifty like, and he really likes Seras! He's so sweet when he tries to be! But it's really the fact that he's a perv that made me love him. I adore someone that can be totally serious one moment, killing freak vampires and stuff, and then make bad jokes about a kitty cat. I'm surprised that he hasn't said something about Alucard's dog form yet, because that would be just like him!

Walter Dornez

His fans:

fangirl Name: Abbi/Churri
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxP, Axy!W
Personality: Pervy, but not likely to perv on Walter (even though he is sexy for an old man). More interested in plot and character interaction than shipping. In fact, shipping scares her.
Rant: Walter is Awesome. Period. Sure, there's the Dental Floss of Doom, but that's not all. Walter can do pretty much anything. Need emotional support? He's there. Need someone to help run Hellsing? He's there. Need a pot of tea? He's there, and ready with a tray of cookies, to boot. Heck, he can probably make Julienne fries, too. He's also refreshingly relaxed -- he's just the sort of calming presence that the rest of Hellsing needs. Just because he's usually mild-mannered doesn't mean that he won't own you, though. In conclusion: Walter Needs Your Love!

fangirl Name: Sandy
Pairings shipped: AxI, Axy!W
Personality: Squees a lot, clings shamelessly in the open; will play with Walter's monocle or ponytail.
Rant: omg ^.^ walterisDAMAN!XD I luv how he swings his wires around it's so cool! teh monocle rox!!! it makes him look so sexy ^.^ I want to grab his little ponytail and play with it! he is the coolest butler ever. So quiet, but so good at what he does, that's the best part about him! XD
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

fangirl Name: Hikari
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, Axy!W
Personality: Pervy fangirl, who will glomp/grope in inappropriate places at first available opportunity. Very outgoing and bubbly; often called a drama queen since she likes being in the center of attention. More into the romantic/pairing side of things, but loves watching the fights too. Especially when Walter's involved!
Rant: OHMIGOSH WALTER! How can everyone not just love him! He's the sexiest old guy ever! And he kicks everyone else's butts. And he makes awesome tea, I wish he's make me some tea. And he has the coolest weapons ever, I mean, who else could kill people with dental floss, that takes some serious skillz. He was so cute when he was younger, and only got better as he got older! Walter is just so freaking cool! No one is cooler than Walter, except maybe Alucard, but Walter is still the greatest EVER!

fangirl Name: PurgatoriX [on the head]
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: Borderline inappropriate cuddling; has a thing for necks and collarbones. Starts shy, but warms to people quickly. Might bite, just a little. Loves the interpersonal drama, the romantic tensions and bizarre plot-twists, as well as the intense action.
Rant: Holy crackers, it's Walter! Oh, you have no idea how long I've wanted to meet you! I'm such a huuuge fan, you wouldn't believe! When I saw you for the first time, I thought, 'Wow, he's so cool! The monocle, the wire, the knowledgeable, confident attitude; everything is just so perfect! Ok, I admit, Integra and Alucard run a close 2nd in my obsession, but you are the one who ties them all together! I could go on & on about you, but I'd just end up embarrassing myself more... so I'll just sit here & observe you in action!
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

fangirl Name: Tricia
Pairings shipped: PxS, AxI
Personality: Both hyper and quiet/loyal. Likes to be useful. Will fully give loyalty to anyone/anything that turly deserves it. Has a tendency to open doors for Amy (Sir Catherine the Integra fangirl, her partner in cosplay), open her car door, make tea without her asking, and generally know what she needs before she asks for it. "I once set the tea kettle on to boil, she asked for tea, then the kettle whistled. Our friend who was visiting asked 'When did she get eight levels in telepathy?!?' Amy responded "She didn't. She just has eight levels in 'Walter'." I grinned slightly, proudly. I support Amy in a similar manner to how Walter serves Sir Integra. Only I'm not a butler, 'just' a friend." Will defend Walter, Sir Integra, or Amy in any way needed, with words or wires.
Rant: Gasp! *floats quickly over* Walter! It's really you! Sir, I am honored to meet you! May I? *I motion toward his shoulder, then latch on* Thank you. I realize you have likely heard it before, Walter, but I think you are the most excellent person ever. Your skills are excellent, your personality, the same... I'm so very honored to meet you! Is there anything I can do to be of assistance? *looks at what's going on, then looks over to Amy* Do you need anything, milady? *smiles slightly, knowingly and waits for orders*
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

fangirl Name: Hannah
Pairings shipped: Axd!W, WxS, Axy!W, Sxd!W, SxP, AxS, IxM
Personality: A bigger perv than Pip....would cuddle in inappropliate places; mostly mellow until the object of her affection is threatened, and then the super-fantastical-uuber-scary-Ozzy-I'll-bite-your-head-off-loud-and-obnoxous-fangirl comes out. A pairing whore.
Rant: HO SNAP, WALTER! I LUFFLUEZ HIM SO MUCH WITH HIS HAWT OLD GUY BADASSEDNESS!!!!!!! I bet his blood ish rather tasty n' stuff....OH! I BET HE USES TEH WIRES IN HIS LUFF LIFE!!!!! *wooooooooooooooot* >0<

Integra Hellsing

Her fans:

fangirl Name: Michael [center]
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: If it involves Integra, there is no place that should not be eventually latched onto to! Spaztic and hyper when it comes to anime and otaku-dom, otherwise...not so much. More into the fighting and the whole pwning of people with Integra l33tness.
Rant: Integra is so awesome, she pwns anyone who stands against her. Even the mighty Alucard serves as her minion! Sheís great with a gun and she has a commanding personality and she looks great whenever she does anything! Women in suits are so utterly hot, and Integra wears a suit so sheís so utterly hot and if there was a word for perfectionawseomness it would be Integra! All hail the awesome that equals Integra!

fangirl Name: Jigoku no Son
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: Easy-going, cynical, ironical, always says what she thinks. More into the fighting in Hellsing, but likes some romance too.
Rant: I like Integral because she's strong-willed, intelligent, beautiful, independent, arrogant, ironical, cynical and has a lot of self-control.
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

Name: Dan
Pairings shipped: "You're Integra. Knowing other people just waters down the experience."
Personality: Quiet and respectful. fangirl
Rant: Wow. Can we say no fear! Integra is the best character. She owns everybody (some more literally than others :D) Not to mention the no-nonsense attitude. And lets hear it for Non-Political Correctness(as far as I've seen).

Name: Bunny
Pairings shipped: AxI
Personality: Likes to cuddle; would like to sit on Integra's head, because her hair is awesome.
Rant: eeeee Integra is soo awesome she's got the softest hair on the entire world and she can keep all the other people in check'
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

fangirl Name: Sir Catherine
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: Would not drive Integra crazy with a screeching rant or embarrass both by clinging; would love to perch on hre shoulders, do anything she asked to help her out. Would resist other fangirls trying to make her kiss someone, enjoy the smell of her tea. Partner in cosplay is Trish the Walter fangirl; they work as a pair to help their favorites out.
Rant: [Not said out loud, but thought.] Sir Integral Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing...she's real! This is awsome, this is amazing, this is as good as going to London! No one had better mess with her mind (forced pairings and such) or I'll glare them down right alongside her. I hope my glare is even a tenth as cool, icy and effective as hers. Her tea smells good...to bad I'm to small to drink a cup with her...that would be the perfect moment! I want to help her...I wish there was something I could do!

fangirl Name: Gabryel
Pairings shipped: Maybe a bit of AxI
Personality: A quiet one (not shy), speaks only if she knows they'll hear it, and not too much. Likes to hug ppl, but too shy to do so, because most ppl won't let it/don't like it. Depressed, realistic, down to earth, logical thinking (think of a Vulcan), but sometimes emotional too... and sometimes genki - that's a rare event.
Rant: *floats before Integra* Ehem. I just want to say I really respect Sir Integra. Strong-hearted, cool-headed and manly even with long hair; she's a perfect idol for a feminist. She is well mannered, a cool knight, and even has a sword! But she could show a bit more emotions, and she could rely on others more often, because a good leader needs to trust her people. And finally, she should smile more, I think. *pets Integra's cheek [in a caring/loving way], then floats away*
Miscellany: Graphics/doll site

fangirl Name: Elise
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, AxAA, HxY, IxM, the side of Maxwell's facexFrying pan
Personality: Would love to cuddle in inappropriate places. Feels strongly about couples she likes. Usually very outgoing and a leader; does her best to stand out.
Rant: Oh, the elegance that is Integra! What is there to say about the beauty that is Integra? I love her to pieces, her hair, her suit, her eyes, glasses, lips, hips, cigars. She's absolutely awesome, astounding, wonderful in everyway. So in control, so powerful. Like a lioness prowlling through the savannah and killing with precision, it is deathly elegant beauty, which I believe sums Integra up perfectly. Something I also believe Alucard should agree with.
Miscellany: On Sheezyart


His fans:

Name: Ellie Maxwell
Pairings shipped: AxI, PxS, AxS
Personality: Quite pervy when it comes to fangirling; will happily encourage characters to fight.
Rant: OHMIGAWD ALUCARD'S SO HOT AND SO GREAT AND DON'T YOU JUST LOVE HIM! Girlycard is soooo cute too, I mean, Iíd have her, sheís hawt. And donít you think Alucardís so cool that he doesnít have to get older or younger! I mean, heís just soooooooo fantastic! And he met THE DOCTOR! Iíd give so much to meet the Doctor, I envy Alucard so much, but its okay cause Alucardís cool. Him and Integra are so together, too, theyíre just hiding it, I bet. Alucard is just soooo cool, with his hat and his glasses and ohmigawd heís soooo hawt!

Name: Chino Kiri
Pairings shipped: Axeveryone, especially AxAA
Personality: Very perverted and loud, loves violence & fights, especially when Alucard uses his vampire-powers. Pretty sadistic, except when it's Alucard who gets hurt. But when others get hurt? Dies from laughter. Likes also Seras's berserk-mode. Loves any kind of attention, tries his best to be in the spotlights 24/7.
Rant: Personally, I think Alucard is everything we need in Hellsing, I mean c'mon, who needs Seras who just ends up crying and curling on the floor while others save the day? She doesn't even have enough guts to drink blood. Pip is useless too, since he's just a boring old mortal. If even Seras can take him on, how could he survive in the middle of ghouls out there? I bet Alucard wouldn't even have to be a servant to Integra, he probably just wants an excuse to be near her. It's pretty obvious that those two have something more going on than a lame old servant/master-thing.

Name: Elina
Pairings shipped: AxI, Axself, SxP
Personality: Likes battles, especially Alucard versus Alex. Big guns are awesome, as is Walter's timeless style. Wants to hang in Alucard's hair and see everything. Hates it if something goes unseen. Barely dares blink eyes while watching anime. Hellsing-Iscariot cooperation is unthinkable: they're enemies. Curious (what does Alucard keep in his pockets?), wants to know everything about everything.
Rant: Alucard is wonderful! He has so deep voice and even sound of his footsteps are so horrific. He has two guns! I like guns! I wonder what does he keep in his pockets? Is shapechange tiring? And where his guns goes when he is dog? He is so cute and sexy and scary and fascinating and fun and dangerous and deadly. He even looks so cool with all those fangs and coat and tie and sunglasses and boots and suit and hair!

Name: Ramona
Pairings shipped: PxS, IxA, SxI, SxA
Personality: A weirdo, and a little perverted. Behaviour is good, but can get angry very fast. Not shy, not a hider! Likes both fighting and romance. Has a "thing" for mens backs and necks.
Rant: I love you Alucard! You are so dangerous and mean, but that only make you hotter. Can I bite you? Pretty please? I really like dark hair and yours is so nice, and it grows when you want it to, and red eyes are so hot, and creepy. Makes my tommy tickle. I think you dress so cool, and I love your hat and glasses. I wish I could have you as a pet. I would take good care of you. I would let you sleep in my bed, have nice donor-blood and your own chewing-toys.....

Name: Inara
Pairings shipped: AxI, SxP, Sxd!W, SchroedingerxSeras (one-sided crush)
Personality: Unintentionally loud with some distinct heckling tendencies in a MST3K sort of way (very fond of my grandfather's standby of making an innocent sentence sound like innuendo with the addition of 'that's what the soldier said to the girl', 'that's what the showgirl said to the bishop', etc), a little paranoid, and pervy in that special kind of way that only a former Catholic schoolgirl can be (what? goosing you on the way up the stairs? noooooo...I was...uh...steadying myself...really...).
Rant: Ha, Incognito was a joke compared to Alucard's ability, especially since he's a Szekely, generally considered to be incredible warriors anyway, regardless of the extra abilities he has as a Midian! The only way you could really get a fair fight against Alucard would be if you could find some way to combine the entire cast of Dragonball Z, Godzilla, and an Eva unit, because I totally think Alucard could take out an Eva unit with just the "Sex Beam", of course technically an Eva unit does have blood, and really anything with blood doesn't stand a chance against Alucard
Miscellany: Effulgent Studios

Name: Bloody Shadow
Rant: Oh my God! Alucard is sooooo cute, and hot, and I want to cuddle him, and hold him and kiss him....I don't know why some people are scared of him. He's sooo adorable when he gets that huge crazy smile on his face...Awwwww....I love his looks, I love his craziness, I love his cuteness, I love his power, I love his intelligence, I love his attitude, I love his style, I love the way he dresses, I love the way he thinks, I love him! I love him! I love him!

Name: KitsuneSam
Pairings shipped: Ready for this one? All right- SerasxAlucard, Young!WalterxGirlycard, Dark!WalterxBlood!Seras, PipxAlucard (don't ask), Dark!WalterxCaptain, YumikoxHeinkel, YumiexHeinkel, EnricoxIntegra, PipxIntegra (once again... don't ask), SerasxIntegra, SerasxIntegraxAlucard and I'm not fond of PipxSeras but think it can be cute sometimes if well written. Oh. I'm also not fond of IntegraxAlucard but ditto what I said for PipxSeras (only ditch the word cute and put in hot).
Personality: Pervy, pervy, pervy. Worse than most of the guys at my school and I corrupt everyone around me with my thoughts (mostly yaoi, but enjoys het and the occasional good yuri). Can totally see self snuggling in very inappropriate places. Then again, on Alucard can see self snuggling him anywhere. Can barely watch anything without sticking some pairing in. Sarcastic, and tends to make fun of just about everything. Really into the romance, but likes a good fight as well (gets really hyper when Alucard and Anderson start to fight, and I can never tell why). Tends to connect things as well (has been known to make connections between Hellsing, Fullmetal Alchemist, and Vampire Hunter D). Gets protective of Alucard (or Dracula or Vlad Tepes or whoever he may be referred to) in debates of history.
Rant: Alucard is awesome. *squeal* I have to sit back and just stare at Alucard sometimes! Like on page 91 of volume 6! *flails* Sex on legs! SEX ON LEGS I TELL YOU! He beats everyone. PWNAGE ONTO ALL! I adore him. I mean come on. That hair. That fangy smile! How could you resist that wonderful-ness that is known as Alucard? Heís just so cool, and so sexy, and so irresistible, and he can suck my blood any time he wants, oh! And heís got GUNS! Nice shiny guns, and a slave and a master, and oohÖ kinky. *grin*
Miscellany: On Fanfiction.net and DeviantArt.

Name: Liforce
Pairings shipped: Sxself
Personality: Quiet; doesn't speak unless spoken to. Never clings. Loves Alucard's fighting style and clothing choice. Has a thing for gunslingers in red.
Rant: Alucard: Hello? What are you doing standing on my sholder?
Liforce: Who me? Nothing at all just keep doing what your are doing and pretend I am not even here.
Alucard: Ok? *Alucard begins to take a step forward*
Liforce: Quick, there are some ghouls behind you!
Alucard: *Turns and shoots and poses totally badass*
Every fangirl on Alucard: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Alucard: What was that about!?
Liforce: *singing "Give a Little Whistle": And always let your conscience be your guide...

Name: Steph
Pairings shipped: Doesn't mind AxI or AxS; AxRip is cute; Axy!W is amusing; Shine made IxM cute; AxAA; HxYumie
Personality: That quiet super nice girl who everyone likes, but hangs out by herself. Total geek. Loves video games and anime, lives on the computer. Likes evil people. Tends to sympathize more with "bad guys" for some reason. The type to research everything about Vlad the Impaler "because I wub me some vampire." Would cling to Alucard's face as a tiny little fangirl. Would shift between obsessive and silent shy awe. Likes the fighting, the romance, everything. As long as HE'S involved.
Rant: I love Alucard's eyes. They're so cool and kinda hot. He's had such a hard life, so he deserves some fun now and then. Integra should let him loose more often! Let's see a bloodbath or ten!! *Froth* @.o Um.. Sorry about that. Alucard is so amazingly evil and cool in all the good ways. I'd let him bite me. I mean, if he liked me at all and wanted to. Eh heh. Heaven would be Alucard dipped in chocolate. ...Yeah, I'm a freak. I feel kind of silly ranting, to be honest. Oh well. <3
Miscellany: On DeviantArt

Name: Samma
Pairings shipped: None
Personality: Has a remarkable ability to be in the wrong place at the wrong time (not perverted, just underfoot), is more likely to debate politics with a character than molest them, but certainly wouldn't complain at molestation. Loves battles, fight scenes, and weapons in general, very assertive and dominant.
Rant: Well, I'd be all over Integra, but my girlfriend would kill me, so I'll take Alucard. He's just awesome, from the outfit to the guns! For Pete's sake, how can you go wrong with a vampiric gunman? Not to mention his power--guy can do damn near anything without any apparent effort or losing an ounce of composure! And he's completely batty! Everybody loves a crazy man! Theyíre a staple! Heís got freaking everything, immortality, power, knowledge, firepower, a willing servant, not to mention the hot chick he works for! *Sigh* If only he were femaleÖ
Miscellany: Website

Professor Xuanwu

The storyline gets another level of meta, as one of the fans (and co-author of the crossover that led to this storyline) gets a fan of his own:

fangirl Name: Roy Dickens
Fan of: Prof. Xuanwu
Pairings shipped: ErinxIntegra, "because the doujinshi-ka deserves some happiness too."
Personality: Would most likely curl up on target's head and purr. Tends to be introverted and slightly shy... unless there's conversation about common interests, or if being silly seems to be called for. As a doujinshi-ka's fanboy, would be cheering on the creation of the comic (not to mention the existence of the comic) and enjoying whatever plot quirks occur. Might also be intrigued by the statistical side of the fangirl swarm: how do they distribute, what pairings they ship... and are there common factors among these groups?
Rant: Prof. Xuanwu is cool he's a webcomic artist who teamed up with ANOTHER supercool webcomic artist to make an extracool crossfictonic story arc with the Hellsing crew PLUS Read Or Die PLUS H. G. Wells actually his I-jin form WITH a cameo by Doctor Who this combo story arc is massive powerup super COOL! *gasp for breath, inhale, resume* You never know what the webartist will throw at you next it's part of the fun of reading webcomics finding out what happens next even if life interferes and delays the comic I don't mind it's all good so HUZZAH THE WEBARTISTS!
Miscellany: Website

Erin Ptah 2003-2011