Stephen: HISSSS… Stephen: …Jon? Jon: Let her go, Stephen. Stephen: Are you crazy? She tried to kill me! Jon: Stephen, she’s a nun! Stephen: Yes, Jon. She’s with the Vatican’s Section XIII. I told you about them! See that dagger in front of you? Jon: Is that — stuck in the floor? Stephen: Not only… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 10
Other trinkets in that drawer include the things Stephen eagerly prepared for Papa Bear’s visit in the 200th episode (January 17, 2007). Jon: There, see? It’s gone. Is that better? Stephen: What do you mean, “better”? Once ninja-nun-girl wakes up and gets out of here, I’m done for! Unless you want to keep her tied… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 11
Yeah, I know the bandages aren’t obeying any known laws of physics. Heinkel, like Anderson, is fourth-dimensional. Heinkel: Stand aside, human. You don’t want to ruin your nice suit. Stephen: JON!! Jon: H-hey! Listen, sir…uh, ma’am?…it’s not what you think! Don’t shoot! Can’t we talk about this? Heinkel: …I see. You’re under his thrall. DOn’t… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 12
Heinkel: Shut up, Sister Kim. You were told not to go running in before– Kim: It’s a code I.F.H., boss. Heinkel: You’re sure? Kim: Positive. Jon: …Is that good? Heinkel: … Jon: WHOA! Not good! Not good! Heinkel: Vampire. You untie Sister Kim and allow her to restrain you, and this man lives, Understood?
The ropes have blessed silver thread woven into them, so Stephen can’t break them. Jon just gets his hands tied, because Jon is not fast enough to dodge a bullet. Stephen: This is not how I imagined it would feel to have a woman tie me up. Jon: You’ve never imagined a woman tying you… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 14
Hellsing readers will recognize Heinkel’s wound as one sustained on the front lines in ’99. Jon: What did you go and do that for?! Heinkel: He’ll be fine. It would take far more than that to do any real damage. Jon: That’s not the point! You had him under control — all tied up with… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 15
Riffing on Wilmore-Oliver Investigates, a recurring Daily Show segment. The art style is the one Hirano uses for his end-of-volume omake. (And it’s not any less bizarre when he does it.) Wilmore and Oliver INVESTIGATE Larry Wilmore: So it turns out there’s been a vampire coming into the studio and biting our boss for years.… Continue reading Chapter 1 Omake
Helloooo, classic Hellsing scenario. 1999. Stephen: Jon, I’m telling you! They rule the night and feast on– Jon: You’re welcome to sleep here if you want, Stephen. But I’m going home! Jon (thinking): That man…! The President’s probably been shot, and all he can talk about is vampires! When you can bet he would be… Continue reading Chapter 2 Page 01
The scary toothy Lewis Black is stolen from an homage to Fake News Rumble. Ghoul: GRAAAGH… Jon: Whoa! (oh f@#k oh f@#k oh f@#k oh f@#k…) Hey…easy there…Nice zombie. Good zombie…Nothing to see here. You can just shamble along now… AHHH! Ghoul: RAAAGH!
Ladies and gentlemen: Sweetness. Stephen: Eat silver, freak!! [BANG] [AIEEE!!!] [WHOOSH] Mess With Stephen’s Boss, Say Hello To Stephen’s Little Friend