Stephen Colbert is a vampire. The Hellsing Organization is after him. Jon Stewart really wishes he’d stayed home today. To read the comic: Start from Page 1 Other things to read: Side stories (AO3) You might also like: Character list Illustrations (DA) Guest art & miscellaneous (DA) The Eagle of Hermes opens nine years after… Continue reading The Eagle of Hermes
Vintage correspondents ahoy. (The news report they’re watching is the same as the one in this strip.) New York, 1999. News: We’re getting no communication from inside the White House. Whereabouts of the Vice President remain unknown. At this time, members of the press are being barred from the scene. We’re going to play for… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 04
Jon: I just got word from the network. We’re not doing a show tonight. Rest of the week’s off too. Go home. Be with your families. Stephen: They can’t go. Jon: What are you talking about? Stephen: Exactly what I said. It’s not safe to leave here. The vampires will get you.
Back in ’08. Ring tone: It’s raining men! Hallelujah, it’s raining men! Hey, hey! Jon: Stephen? Make it quick. I’m on my way out. Stephen: Jon, they found me! Jon: What? Stephen: The Vatican. Section XIII. They’ve sent somebody over. And, Jon…I… Stephen: Ikindofatebobby. Jon: You WHAT?! Stephen: I didn’t mean to! He just looked… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 06
Poor Stephen is so much less powerful than Iscariot thinks he is. The Vatican is thinking “expertly guarded vampire stronghold with hordes of loyal mesmerized followers”, when in fact Stephen barely knows how to use his powers, and his only defense is Jon plus basic-cable security. [BANG BANG] Stephen: I’m not here! Sister Kim: Funny…that’s… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 07
Familiar figures in that fourth panel. After the attacks of ’99, the world’s vampire-hunting organizations couldn’t exactly remain secret – although they still try to be as secretive as they can. [CRUNCH] [KRACK SLAM THUD] Jon (thinking): I’m an idiot. I’m an idiot! This was bound to happen eventually. It’s not like he’s some kind… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 08
Reference to Jon coming to Stephen’s defense during the Conan feud. Jon: Stephen Colbert, don’t you do it, boy!!
Stephen: HISSSS… Stephen: …Jon? Jon: Let her go, Stephen. Stephen: Are you crazy? She tried to kill me! Jon: Stephen, she’s a nun! Stephen: Yes, Jon. She’s with the Vatican’s Section XIII. I told you about them! See that dagger in front of you? Jon: Is that — stuck in the floor? Stephen: Not only… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 10
Other trinkets in that drawer include the things Stephen eagerly prepared for Papa Bear’s visit in the 200th episode (January 17, 2007). Jon: There, see? It’s gone. Is that better? Stephen: What do you mean, “better”? Once ninja-nun-girl wakes up and gets out of here, I’m done for! Unless you want to keep her tied… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 11
Yeah, I know the bandages aren’t obeying any known laws of physics. Heinkel, like Anderson, is fourth-dimensional. Heinkel: Stand aside, human. You don’t want to ruin your nice suit. Stephen: JON!! Jon: H-hey! Listen, sir…uh, ma’am?…it’s not what you think! Don’t shoot! Can’t we talk about this? Heinkel: …I see. You’re under his thrall. DOn’t… Continue reading Chapter 1 Page 12