Answer: Yes, but not nearly as much as he thinks he does. Enrico (narrating): Ahem. Anyway. We continued working on our sand castle. Soon after…she showed up. Vampire: Excuse me. You’re Enrico Maxwell? Enrico: Uh-huh. Vampire: Do you know anything about…vampires?
Enrico (narrating): Anyway…I started boasting, showing off my knowledge; she started asking questions. Vampire: Could a vampire come out during the day, into the sunlight? Enric: Technically they could, but they usually don’t, since they hate the sun. Vampire: But are they able to? Enrico: Well, I guess so… Vampire: So if the reward were… Continue reading Nothing Ever Changes 9/22
Enrico: I dunno…you know what they say… Alex: Uh, ‘Rico… Enrico: “Vampires operate by their own unknowable, inhuman logic.” Who knows what they’ll do? Alex: Rico…! RICO! Enrico: Alex, can it wait? I’m in the middle of a speech!
Integra: Hey! Vampire trash! (AAAHHH) Yeah, you! Over here! Vampire: And who are you? Enrico & Anderson: *huh?* Integra: I am Integra Wingates Hellsing. Put the humans DOWN.
Vampire (thinking): She can’t have…a gun?! Integra: Okay, we’ll do this the hard way. (heh) DIE, VAMPIRE! [NERF]
Integra: [BANG BANG] Mysterious figures: [BANG BANG] Vampire: AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE [NERF(TM) darts] [silver bullets]
Most residents of this subcircle of Hell are vampires, of course, and there are lots of them. Vampire (thinking): I gave up my Ph.D. studies at Oxford…for this? Other than a few modifications, like the censorship of Jan Valentine’s speech, very little is actually done to them; no obvious torture. Jessica: No, Leif! Not again!… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 17/26
Enrico: Thanks! Yumiko: And God bless you! Heinkel: Rico, don’t look now, but… Heinkel: … I think we’re being followed. Enrico: Oh no! What if it’s a vampire? Yumiko: A vampire? Enrico: Uh-huh! Halloween is the best night of the year for evil creatures like that. Vampires and werewolves and demons and… and… and Buddhists… Continue reading Little Enrico’s Halloween 4/7
Fangirl: And seriously if Walter wasn’t soooooo cool in whipping his a$$ I would have wanted to see him live a bit longer, but you know Walter…he’s cool and old. But don’t worry I still really like Jan! Jessica: Do I mean nothing to you, Leif? Aren’t I better than a bunch of silly little… Continue reading Fangirls Are Hell 8/60
For once, it’s Luke as well as Jan screaming the obscenities. Note from The Future: continuity error! Paul Wilson shouldn’t be in the background yet…. Luke/Jan: WHAT THE BLEEP? Laura: Does that answer your question?