??? (thinking): .. Where am I? And is it really dark in here, or is the doujinshi-ka just lazy?
Incognito: Would somebody turn on thelights?? [SNAP] [crackle crackle] Incognito: You can turn them off now. Baalberith: That’s what they all say.
Baalberith: I’ll be finished with your paperwork in a moment; if you have questions, feel free to ask. Incognito: I’m in Hell, aren’t I? Baalberith: Yep. Incognito: So where’s the eternal pain? Baalberith: You’re a masochist. If we gave you eternal pain, it wouldn’t be Hell, now would it?
I first encountered the concept of Hell as a bureaucracy from Piers Anthony. His Incarnations of Immortality series is another that Helena would recommend. Incognito: So, are you Satan? Baalberith: Of course not. I’m just a minor demon. There are lots of us; there have to be, because we deal with the paperwork. And Hell… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 4/26
Incognito: What’s the purpose of the paperwork? Baalberith: We have to tally up your sins to calculate where in Hell you belong. Dante was right: you end up in a different circle of Hell depending on your most prevalent sin. Vampires are usually hard to classify; they have so much pride, lust, and violence that… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 5/26
Baalberith: Ah! Here’s your subcircle. Incognito: Do you mean that there’s an entire subsection of Hell for the sin of messing with the Maiden of the Royal Order? Baalberith: Well, she is on a mission from God. Anything which disrupts that is like a direct challenge to God — in other words, the sin that… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 6/26
[THUMP] Baobhan sith: A-HAH! There you are! I’ve been waiting for you to show up.
Note from The Future: “Bubbancy” is the anime dub’s attempt to spell “baobhan sith” while assuming it’s a name. She doesn’t have a proper name, so in the transcripts I’ll just call her “baobhan sith” until further notice. Baobhan sith — pronounced “baa’van she” — Bubbancy, one of the White Women of the Scottish highlands.… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 8/26
Baobhan sith: You lost, didn’t you? Incognito: Well — Baobhan sith: You didn’t kill Alucard. Luke: Eek! Alucard? Where? Baobhan sith: There’s no Alucard here, Luke. You can relax. Incognito: Luke? Luke Valentine? Baobhan sith: Yes. He’s never been quite the same since the events leading up to his death… Luke: Are you sure it’s… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 9/26
Incognito: Now, wait — you didn’t exactly complete your mission either, remember? You were supposed to kill Integral Hellsing, and didn’t. Baobhan sith: And that was your fault too! As I recall, it was your wiseguy comment that put Alucard’s attention back on her — and, therefore, me. Incognito (flashback): You don’t have a Master…anymore.… Continue reading The Storyline From Hell 11/26