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Christmas Karaoke: Mr. Scrooge

Christmas Karaoke: Mr. Scrooge published on No Comments on Christmas Karaoke: Mr. Scrooge

To the tune of “Mr. Scrooge” from The Muppet Christmas Carol, reworked lyrics by Flyboy.

The dark London night chills you,
Chills you to the bone!
And there’s nothing in nature that hardens your heart
Like centuries of being alone!

It fills you with deep hatred,
Makes your once loving heart hard!
And the worst of the worst,
The most hated and cursed!
Is the vampire Alucard!
Murders many,
Bane of humanity,
Is the vampire Alucard!

Oh there goes Mr. Murder
There goes Mr. Grim!
If you gave a prize for madness then
The winner would be him!

That No-Life Count loves darkness
Cause he thinks it gives him power!
If he became a flavor
You can bet that he’d be sour!

There goes the Warmonger,
There goes Mr. Bad
The undisputed master of
Making the Major glad!

He drinks the blood of innocents
Claiming he’s been ordered!
But when you murder the police
You’re going way overboard!

He must be so lonely,
He must be so sad!
He goes to extremes to convince us he’s bad!
He’s really a victim, of fear, and of pride!
Look close and there must be
A good heart inside!

NAAAH!!!

There goes Mr. Killer
There goes Mr. Sneer!
He has no need for close allies
His actions make it clear!

Don’t see him as your savior,
Or you’ll wind up as his lunch!
Your blood he’ll suck like a milkshake
And make your bones go “CRUNCH!”

There goes Mr. Heartless,
There Goes Mr. Cruel!
He never helps, he only hurts,
He lets his hunger rule!

If being mean’s a way of life
You practice and rehearse,
Then his life was a living hell,
Cause he’s still getting worse!

Yes every day, in every way!
Alucard gets worse!

Storylines That Weren’t: (3) Catholintegra (4) Let The Flames Begin (5) Everything’s Better With Yuri

Storylines That Weren’t: (3) Catholintegra (4) Let The Flames Begin (5) Everything’s Better With Yuri published on No Comments on Storylines That Weren’t: (3) Catholintegra (4) Let The Flames Begin (5) Everything’s Better With Yuri

III: Catholintegra

This was one of Xuanwu’s ideas. Enrico gets his hands on an I-jin of pioneering geneticist Gregor Mendel. His directions? To use those genetic manipulation abilities to create a Catholic version of Integra. Hijinks ensue.

Mendel: Are you sure you want me working on this? I’m mostly experienced with peas.

Enrico: I’m sure.

They never manage to create a version that doesn’t implode from the strain. However, it’s implied that some future head of Iscariot will find their plans, try again, and succeed….

[Trinity Blood]


IV: Let The Flames Begin

An idea suggested by Lady_Luna_The_Lunatic. What do fangirls and fanboys look like in the evil mirror universe? (Aside from all having beards, of course.)

Answer: they’re called “flamers”, and they do exactly what they sound like.

Had Shine managed another fangirl storyline, it probably would have taken place in a mirror universe, and taken reader submissions about the characters they hate. (All in good fun, of course: the targets would have been Millennium.)


V: Everything’s Better With Yuri

Because ghost!Pip, as seen in Seras’ internal world, would totally take a female form with Seras once in a while. Partly for the sexy factor, partly because it’s less potentially triggering for Seras.

And once they’ve gotten used to the idea, well…let’s just say that as the years go on, eventually there won’t be any combination of bodies they haven’t tried.

Fangirl Karaoke: Turning Japanese

Fangirl Karaoke: Turning Japanese published on No Comments on Fangirl Karaoke: Turning Japanese

To the tune of the Vapors’ “Turning Japanese.” Lyrics written by meowkatj.

(Seras)
He said, “Hey Seras, are you still pure?
Are you a virgin?” I said, “Well sure.”
Now I’m steppin’ out in Hellsing couture
He shot a bullet into my lung
Though I’m no pansy, it kind of stung
Now Walter’s building me a really big gun

I’ve got two punctures, I’ve got two punctures
I’ve got two punctures on the side of my neck
My name is Seras, it’s not police girl
but my Harkonnen and I get no respect
Unnaturally strong, my cuspids long
Oh zed, my eyes are turning red!

I’m turning draculine,
I think I’m turning draculine,
I really think so
Turning draculine,
I think I’m turning draculine,
I really think so

Am I a minion? Am I a minion?
Am I a minion of the darkness of hell?

(Alucard)
No, evening walker, you’re not a minion…

(Integra)
Not until you drink of his blood as well!

(Seras)
Unnaturally strong, my cuspids long
Oh zed, my eyes are turning red!

No life, no food, sun, no silver
My bed is now a coffin, no wonder it’s dark!
Everybody here thinks I’m a total newbie
Then there’s this one French guy who’s obsessed with boobies!

I’m turning draculine,
I think I’m turning draculine,
I really think so
Turning draculine,
I think I’m turning draculine,
I really think so

Storylines That Weren’t: (1) How Reseda Met Helena (2) Madeline And Friends

Storylines That Weren’t: (1) How Reseda Met Helena (2) Madeline And Friends published on No Comments on Storylines That Weren’t: (1) How Reseda Met Helena (2) Madeline And Friends

I: How Reseda Met Helena

The French monarchy is at its height, and Mlle. Mignonette weaves through high society, leaving a trail of charmed but strangely fatigued courtesans in her wake.

At least, until she tries to bite the wrong person: Mlle. Helena de Lautréamont, who is not only another vampire, but an older and better-camouflaged one.

Once they’ve stopped trying to kill each other, a friendship ensues.

This story got pretty far into the “getting all the preliminary bits in order” stages. It even had an archive storyline image drawn for it:

What it never had…was any detail deeper than the summary above. Besides, the idea of drawing dresses this fancy over and over would be enough to scare lots of artists off.


II. Some Kind Of Story About Madeline And Friends

This one never had a plot, just a potential cast of characters.

Like most of the world’s other vampire-hunting aces, Madeline didn’t work alone. A few decades ago, her main partner was Pepito (in red), now deceased. He gained dual French/Spanish citizenship after marrying her.

His code name, “Bad Hat”, is still used today by whoever works as Madeline’s primary sidekick.

In blue is Mitraille (another code name; she doesn’t give her real one).

She’s an observant Muslim, so clearly she’s not part of the Catholic Holy League. Rather, she’s part of a small group that keeps special watch over the Muslim French community, and works with Madeline whenever they can manage to cooperate.

It’s more often than you’d think. They’re both observant, but neither is sympathetic to the fanatic wing of her religion.

Shine Recommends

Shine Recommends published on No Comments on Shine Recommends

Those comics: Hellsing Bloopers, Great Idea | Oblivion, MacAlucard, and Resurrection.

Need to keep up the quota of Hellsing fancomickry in your life? Here are some complete or ongoing comics to add to your reading list:

Hellsing Bloopers
A series of comedic one-shots. Every character gets their moments.

Great Idea + Oblivion
An ongoing story. The underappreciated characters who were killed off in the anime band together to start their own group. Chaos ensues.

MacAlucard
A completed story. The cast of Hellsing act out the Scottish play, with loving snark at both along the way.

Resurrection
An ongoing story. An unexpected refugee shows up at Integra’s door. Hellsing takes him in, but it’s not going to be easy for anyone…

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