Stephen: Do you have to be such a buzzkill, Jon? We’ve destroyed our careers, our reputations, and our legacies, for the sake of this flight. We might as well enjoy it! Besides, who’s going to catch us at this speed?
Jon: Uh, Stephen?
Don’t look now…but I think that expensive-looking, missile-equipped plane is following us.
Girlycard: Who’s “messing with Arthur’s stuff” now?
Fan: And others, cause humans are Trash, just eat them, especially those damn, canting, despicable Vatican-*Bleep*ers!
Walter: If they’re immune to vampire bites, they’re probably magical.
Which means it’ll take magic to get rid of them. How d’you like…holy water!
Walter: You’re going to tell me this isn’t holy water, aren’t you.
Girlycard: Only in the sense that Arthur often says “God, I needed that” after he drinks it.
Fan: They lie and rape but condemn others! If you ate them, they finally were useful!
An imaginary conversation between this Jon Stewart and the one from our own universe:
“So they keep coming back to ‘remember 9/11’…”
“Wait. What’s 9/11?”
“The terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 that killed almost three thousand people and have been embedded in our national consciousness ever since…you mean those didn’t happen in your universe? That’s fantastic!”
“Oh, wow. I’m so sorry to hear that…I never thought there could be a universe where our national security didn’t go on steroids after ’99.”
“Wait. What’s ’99?”
Jon: You never told me you could do this!
Stephen: I didn’t know!
Here, let me get that for you.
Jon: I’ve got a bad feeling about this…
Stephen: Oh, lighten up and enjoy the ride!
Jon: It’s not that easy! Stephen, you are very conspicuous right now! And flying over New York City. No matter what the conservative punditocracy likes to claim, nobody here has forgotten ’99!
The very pervy LilimViperaVenata joins the group.
Walter: Where did I leave my wires? I could just razor them off.
Girlycard: Not likely. Look what happens when I bite them.
Fan: Alucard! You’re so cool and sexy and poor and hard and stylish! I’d so love to see you naked! I’d play „Slave and Master“ with you, first you are Master, then me! And your original, beardy you is just so wild and hot! And your TEETH!
So rockin‘ sharp, you can always bite me!
Walter: Wait. Is that the truth? Or is it…
Fangirl: he’s soo cool! WalterxGirlycard FTW! I mean.. WalterxRazor Wire! yeah!
Walter (thinking): Sometimes I think he looks so sad…could this be the reason? Or is it all my imagination?
Sweetness: Ohohoho! I am the spirit of your revolver, Sweetness! I’m here to cheer you on, so ask me anything you like!
Stephen: Then, Sweetness, there’s just one thing I want to know…My life is made up of disaster after disaster. Is there anything I can do to stop my fate from being so unhappy:
Kill the audience.
Stephen: S-Sweetness…those people are our friends…
Today’s strip came from a suggestion by EverybodysFangirl.
Enrico: We are the Iscariot Organization. Holy fanatics. Assassins in the name of the church. It is our sworn duty to go forth and commit the most grievous sins, knowing that all we do is for the glory of the Lord.
And the Lord has not commanded us to sit at home watching sports!!
Yumie: Shhh! The game’s back on.
Timothy (Turkey supporter): If we’re going to be fanatics anyway, why can’t we be football fanatics?
Anderson (Scotland supporter): He’s just upset because Italy lost in the first round.
Yumie (Japan supporter): Goooooooooal!!
Enrico (Anyone-but-England supporter): Wait…is that Integra’s team getting completely demolished?
Heinkel (Austria supporter): Pull up a chair.
Ryuzaki is hoping for crack pairings. We’ll see what turns up…
Walter: I wouldn’t expect a creature like you to understand.
Fangirl: ZOMX. IT’s WALTER. He’s the coolest! I mean, he’s so cute young, and so awesome! And then he gets old, he’s still totally epic win and even though he’s old he still has super-pretty eyes! And then darkwalter! Don’t even get me started! Walterrr!
Walter: Jeeves is hard on me because he knows I have to be strong. It’s his way of taking care of me. That’s what parents do.
Girlycard: Gosh, maybe you’re right! Of course, my parents sold me into captivity when I was eleven. Still haven’t figured out how that was caretaking…
Girlycard: Fine. So I don’t know what they are. But if I can’t dodge them, why would you be able to?
Fangirl: OH WALTER, DEAR WALTER, I’D ONLY MATTER TO YOU IF I WAS SOMEONE TO BE SLICED TO BITS ON SIGHT!!!!!!!!!
Girlycard: Besides, you ought to be thankful. When Wooster gets here, one of these little sprites can tell him how wonderful you are. It’s not like Jeeves was going to.
Walter: Don’t even start on — Wait. Does that mean you don’t know how to get rid of them, either?
ZizziHungarian will not be denied her Walter fangirling!
Walter: Hm…they’re not heavy or painful. I can still flip just as easily with one–
Fan 1: *sniffle* Even though you broke my heart. That hurt. *sniffle* YOU TORE IT RIGHT OUT AND IT’S BLEEDING IN YOUR HANDS AND I STILL LOVE YOU!
Fan 2: EEEEE!!! It’s Walter, it’s really Walter, my little Walter! He is so cute, but no, cute is not the word for him. He is simply perfect, that is, with his handsome face, dark eyes, childish smile and easy-going style! He is so different from that Walter in my stories, he is way cooler, not a whining little brat, like that baby boy! He is strong, fast, funny, sweet and… and… and has a well-shaped body… *blush*
Walter: They can be dodged!…Wait. Where did it go!