World's second-most-popular Hellsing-related comic.
Major: I fanboy genocide. I fanboy blitzkrieg. I fanboy aggressive war. I fanboy defensive war.
I fanboy sieges. I fanboy breaking through. I fanboy withdrawing. I fanboy cleaning up. I fanboy retreating.
In moors, on highways, in trenches, in plains, on tundra, in desert, on sea, in sky, in mud, in marshes…I am a fanboy of every aspect of war that takes place on this Earth.
Integra: Now give me a minute, will you?
Walter: Yes, sir.
Integra (thinking): Pins like this aren’t easy to come by. Is it a coincidence that my father had one? Or could it be…
Integra: Okay, changed. I’m coming out…
[WHFFF]
Major: Gentlemen, I like war. Gentlemen…I love war. Gentlemen…
I am such a fanboy of war.
Integra: Hold this, will you?
Walter: Certainly.
This is a beautiful pin…Integra…Where did you get this pin?
Integra: Why do you want to know?
Walter: Well, it’s just that…
…your father had a pin exactly like this.
[CRASH]
Integra, are you all right?
Integra: I’m fine. You just, uh…surprised me, that’s all.
The Major is watching the video taken during this strip.
And Rip has met her fans!
On the head: Lulu and Alisa Makora. On the curl: Meowkitty. On the shoulder: Scara and Nathan. On the chest: Hugo. On the arm: Sonja (website). And down on the waist, Brynnie-chan.
And so, in the video room…
Major: I see…Yes, I think I understand the mental state of a fangirl now. I know what it will take to overwhelm them.
Schrö fan: So I said “Psssshhh, your just a man with a hair cut and jeans.” I just wanna nuzzle his cat-ears!
Major fan 1: I WANT SOME VAN HOUTEN COCOA!!! I OBEY HERR MAJOR!!! SEIG HEIL!!! MILLENNIUM FOR THE WIN!!! MARMALADE!!!
Major fan 2: He is also confident enough in himself to accept death instead of vampirism. Just when I drifted from Hellsing, Herr Major reeled me back in, even though he goes against all of my superficial fandom rules.
Rip: You could have given me a little bit more warning.
Schrödinger: Nyaaah.
Rip fan 1: um…Oh god this is hard to do, choose ONE Millennium character I like?! I could tell you who I dislike most without trouble but like?! I’m stuck on two choices! Schro and Rippy!!! I love them so equally I’ve even made sure both get nicknames. Schrodinger with his snarky comments, extra short shorts and the honor of first cat-boy I ever saw! Rip with her awesome umbrella and awesome grin and super awesome clock!! How on earth am I supposed to choose between two people of equal cuteness, equal charm, equal ownage?!! I…!!!! (stops and stares at hair curl) NYAH!!!!!!
Rip fan 2: Rip doesn’t get enough coverage in the canon series. Other than appearing in the background a couple times she doesn’t really do anything until
. Shewith two or three bullets.Rip fan 3: Rip Van Winkle is quite adorable, especially her freckles, and this is the second most powerful tool
Rip fan 4: SQUEE! i love rip! shes so smart, only vampire i’ve ever seen who uses an UMBRELLA to protect herself from sunlight! its so obvious yet only she notices it! and she brings more culture to hellsing! yay opera!
Rip fan 5: She’s brilliant and shiny and has that murderous ruthless cool and has one of the
Rip fan 6: Rip Van is made of awesome. For starters, she doesn’t believe in the conformity of the uniform;
Rip fan 7: Rip, I love you, your hair, your musket and your taste in classical music!
Rip fan 8: OMG OMG OMG IT’S RIIIIIIIIIIP! She’s the coolest Nazi ever to exist! I love her awesome springy curl, her shiny glasses and shark teeth, the way she twirls her gun, and how freaking awesomely she sings! Opera RULES! Also, she’s part of one of the COOLEST death scenes in anime history, she stands up to Alucard in Volume 5 and comes DAMN close to killing him,
Doc fan: Speaking aboot that. Dude whats with the zippers RIGHT THERE?
Major: Stop bickering, you two, and call the troops together. It’s time to beat these creatures at their own game.
[International House of Suits]
Integra: The IHOS? Walter, you didn’t!
Walter: I sent your measurements last month; they’ll have several suits prepared by now. Happy birthday, Integra!
Clerk: The fitting rooms are this way…excuse me, are these for her?
Walter: Indeed they are.
Clerk: We’re very sorry — we had these tailored with a young man in mind. You’ll have to give us some more time.
Integra: No.
Clerk: Excuse me?
Integra: You won’t be taking these back. I’m trying them on.
Clerk: Y-yes, sir! …I mean–
Integra: “Sir” is fine.
Narration: A-ha! There’s a smile! It’s not for me, though — it’s for her “pet dog,” Alunacard.
As far as she knows, he’s just an eight-eyed dog. She thinks I don’t even know that much. He’s actually a vampire, but I trust him. We’re old friends, in every sense of the word.
Integra: And how was your day?
Alu: Woof!
Narration: He hasn’t spoken to me yet, though, and I assume he has his reasons. I wonder if he even realizes I recognize him?
Walter: Oh, Alunacard had a fine day! He took a nap in the shade and then watched me return phone calls.
By the way, Integra…I’ve returned every call and every letter, scheduled every appointment for some other day, and taken every possible precaution to ensure that no crises will erupt on this afteroon. You know what this means.
Integra: We’re going shopping.
Walter: Precisely.
Meet the final Major fan, Herr Angel D, and prepare for an onslaught of Rip fans….
Major: Warrant officer Schrödinger, where do you recognize the fangirls from?
Major fan: O……M……G!!! FLUFFEH!!! I LOVE HERR MAJOR BECAUSE HE’S SHORT AND FLUFFY AND IS AMAZING I CANT BELIEVE I’M ACTUALLY TOUCHING HIM!!! WHY DO MORE PEOPLE NOT LOVE HIM LIKE HE DESERVES TO BE LOVED~!???!?!? WHY DOES INTEGRA NOT
Schrödinger: Don’t you remember?
They interrupted our body-swapping plot. And then Alucard turned into a catboy for a bit. We even have most of it on video, so–
[CLICK]
Rip: Herr Major, I’m ready to make my report!
Schrödinger: Rip Van! Ooh, this is gonna be fun!
Walter: And that’s the last of the spiders!
Narration: I’m Walter C. Dornez, retainer to the Van Helsing family. I don’t like cobwebs, or dust bunnies.
Walter: A job well done.
[SLAM]
Ah! Integra’s home!
Narration: What I do like: Cleaing, cooking, tea (and crumpets, but mostly tea), dogs, floss…and her.
Integra Wingates Van Helsing, my young charge and the love of my life. [No, not like that.] She’s the fledgling leader of the Hellsing Organization. She’s like a granddaughter to me, and I love her the way I did her late father.
In addition to her maid, butler, cook, and nurse, I’m her bodyguard and advisor as she learns how to run Hellsing. She doesn’t smile much now. Not that she ever smiled a lot, really.
Doc fan: OHHHHooooooohh! Its the Rosty Toasty remote of DOOM! Ohoh! what dose this button do?! You are so awesome all covered in gore In white Bondage-ty gear…AFTER LABOR-DAY EVEN!
Major: *snerk*
Schrödinger: Purr.
Doc: All right, all right…
Doc fan: AND YOUR A MAD SCIENTIST! IMEANCOMEON! You make things form Nightmares just so you can, cuz comeon i know these people are not paying you all that well.
Doc: …they’re horrible. Let’s get rid of them.
Doc fan: AND YOU MADE A CATBOY! AHHH HOW AWESOME! YOU CAN ALSO TO DO THE EVIL CRACKLE JUST BEFORE YOU EXPLODE IN BLOODY GOOY BITS! which by the when are you planing to do that.. cuz my battery’s to my camera need recharging…