World's second-most-popular Hellsing-related comic.
Integra (thinking): They will not get away with this!
Vampire: Is this all the resistance they put up? Hah! They’re no match for somebody like me!
[no, I don’t know how he ended up in a towel…]Integra: Hold it!!
This is as far as you go, vampire filth!
[heh]
Vampire: Hah! Can a child like you do what a small army could not?[AGH!]
Integra (thinking): Not my arm again!
[yank][SLAM]
Alex: Take that, monster!Alunacard: Alexandra! Take this!
Alex: It’s…glowing?
This storyline is just full of callbacks, isn’t it? Seras refers to this scene.
Seras: Does Sir Integra know about this? She must, right? She knows everything about vampires.
Alucard: Now, why exactly would you bring our Master into this?
Seras: It’s just, she asked me to bite her once, so I–
Alucard: She did WHAT?
[creeeak]
[gasp]Alex: The school hallway is full of bodies?! These aren’t students! Who are these people?
Integra: All my soldiers! How could this have happened?
Alex: Wait a minute. “Your” soldiers?
Alunacard: Just as I thought. This is no ordinary vampire. Transform!
Integra: Hellsing Power — Make Up!
This bit of Order 04 is still canon in the Shineverse.
Seras: Wait just a minute. Does this mean…That time you drained that reporter, while I watched…
…I bit myself. I thought it was because I was so hungry, but you’re saying it was also…
Alucard: You were making a little quality time with your hand.
Seras: Eep.
Alucard: Don’t be so flustered! It’s perfectly natural.
Integra: I feel like a criminal. Hiding out, spying on my own troops…!
Alunacard: Just transform. Quietly.
[grasp]
[gasp]Alex: What are you doing here? It’s dangerous! You should go home!
Integra (thinking): Alexandra?!
Integra: Dangerous? It’s more dangerous for you than for me. I know what’s going on; you don’t. You saved me this morning, so the least I can do is warn you: get away!
Alex: Nice try, kid, but you wont’ get rid of me that easily.
Alunacard: Integra, we don’t have time to argue.
Alex: Aaaack! Talking eight-eyed dog!
Alunacard: If you won’t go home, come with us. But don’t get in the way.
Alucard: But for yourself, police girl…you need to drink.
Seras: Don’t change the subject!
Alucard: I’m not.
There is a reason Victorian novelists used vampirism as a way to write stories about sex without getting them censored. Drinking isn’t just about sustenance. It’s about pleasure.
Walter: Your phone. Fox is on duty. Here’s his number.
Integra: Fox, it’s Integra. You’re being sent down to Manchester.
Fox: On whose authority?
Integra: Mine, of course.
Fox: Yours and whose else’s?
Integra: You don’t need any other authority. I am the head of the Hellsing Organization.
Fox: You’re also a thirteen-year-old girl. I can’t send my troops out based on a child’s orders.
Integra: Determining how qualified I am to give orders is not your responsibility.
Fox: But the safety of my men is.
Integra: Not anymore.
Fox: What?
Integra: Pack your things and return your uniform, badge, and gun. You’re fired, Fox.
Fox: You can’t–!
Integra: I can, I will, and I just did.
Did I do that well, Walter?
Walter…?
[THUMP]
Walter: Integra, you were magnificent! You’ll make a fine commander of Hellsing!Integra: can’t…breathe…
“A fine commander,” he said! I can do this, Alunacard! I can!
Alunacard: Good to hear. There’s something odd about this case — I think you’d better see to it personally, as Sailor Hellsing.
Alucard: You still have the ability to please a…”hypothetical”…human partner. As long as he doesn’t mind you being a little chilly, that is.
You still have the same equipment. Better yet, if that doesn’t leave him fully satisfied…
…you can always customize.
Seras: Master, please put the hands away.
okay, some serious details. i started this in ’03, when it wasn’t actually seen by anyone except two close friends. their enjoyment was the reason it thrived.
tried to start a complete redrawing in ’07, found i didn’t have the time or energy, but hey, someone liked it the first time around. besides, i still think the plot is all clever and stuff.
the title means “pretty virgin knight sailor hellsing.” the word “shoujo” in the original title means “young lady; little girl; virgin; maiden; daughter.”
to make a proper pun, it should have been swapped for “shojo” — specifically “virgin maiden.” but apparently i forgot to do that in the graphics, and i don’t feel like going back and changing them. apparently i’m as lazy as hirano after all. whoof.
so, yeah. just sit back and freebase this like the delicious crack it is. it’ll be fun. ♥
Integra: Psst! Kim! Who’s the new girl?
[resident gossip hound]
Kim (thinking): Integra wants to know about someone? That’s a story in itself!Kim: I hear she got expelled from her last school for fighting. She’s so tall and strong, she wins every fight. And a strict Catholic, believe it or not. How she got that scar, we don’t know. Her name: Alexandra Anderson.
Walter: The police flagged this report last night. A student at a private school was attacking others. Your job is to choose who to send in. The commander will handle the details on the field.
Integra: How about Fox’s unit?
Walter: It’s your order to give.
Alucard: It’s a little late to be wondering about the bats and the bees, police girl. You’re past that now. Unless you’re asking for the sake of somebody else?
Seras: Um…
Alucard: Finally succumbing to his bad-boy charms, are you?
Seras: This is all hypothetical! I swear!