Props to Matthew Henry for sending me the script for this one (adpated from Spaceballs). Enrico in the live-action shots is portrayed by my incredibly patient mother.

Paper Enrico: Take that, Alucard! Pow!

Toy Seras: Hey! What did you do to my Master?

Paper Enrico: The same thing I’m going to do to you! Wham!

And to you, Walter! Thud!

Toy Integra! Oh! Oh, no! You killed my vampires and my butler!

Paper Enrico: Yes!

And now you, Sir Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing, are at my mercy!

Toy Integra: I’ll never give in! Never!

And yet…I’m finding you strangely attractive…mmm…

…

Timothy: Papers for you to sign, Father–

Enrico: GAH! Don’t you knock?