World's second-most-popular Hellsing-related comic.
In English:
Darnit . . .
A large and heavy book . . . tiny, archaic writing . . .
This is going to suck.
Oh well, I have to start at A . . .
. . . whoa.
There’s no way it’s this easy.
Pip (thinking): Zut alors…un tome large et lourd…écriture archaïque et petit…ça va craindre.
Eh bien, je dois commencer à A…
…Ouah. Il ne peux jamais etre tellement facile.
Walter: Miss Victoria, here’s the London police database. You can search unsolved child-murder cases and plot them on a map. I’ll get you other cities next.
Captain, here’s our comprehensive tome of vampire breeds. You can start reading at A. I’ll get you the 1924 supplement next.
Catboy, here’s a ball of yarn. You can unravel it. I’ll get you another ball of yarn next.
Seras: Walter! We need your help!
Walter: …
All right, what did you break?
Seras: No, no, we need help with research!
Seras: The vampire attacked the parents, but didn’t kill them. Why?
Pip: Maybe it was full.
Seras: On one child? Not likely.
Pip: Maybe you scared it off.
Seras: We didn’t get there in time. If it had wanted to suck them dry, it could have.
Pip: So it didn’t want them.
Seras: It just wanted them out of the way…
Pip: …so it could get at the kid.
Seras: It’s some type of vampire that preys on children.
Pip: Hey, are you okay?
Seras: …Fine. A kid died. We didn’t reach the scene in time.
The parents were sent to the hospital in critical condition.
Pip: Why weren’t they killed?
Seras: Does it matter? I’m just glad they…
Alucard (telepathy): Actually, police girl, it’s a very good question.
Seras: …say that again?
Requisite Jon-Stewart-and-Stephen-Colbert cameo.
Erin: Even though early Jewish cartoonists wrote white-bread characters, the Jewish mythos is still there. Just look at Superman.
The destruction of his home planet parallels the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem in 70 AD. He was forced from his homeland, and separated from the house of his parents (i.e. God the Father).
Since then he’s been living under a foreign culture. He mingles with the ordinary people, and likes them, but he’s not quite of them. He’s special. He’s protected, in a way that others aren’t. And when disaster strikes, he knows that ultimately, he’ll be all right.
In conclusion: Superman is clandestinely Jewish!
Integra: You mean he’s a metaphor for Judaism.
Erin: Um…
Integra: He doesn’t study Torah; he doesn’t keep the Sabbath holy; he doesn’t attend a synagogue. He follows none of the actual tenets of the Jewish religion.
Erin: Well, you don’t need to be particularly religious to be Jewish. Case in point.
Jon: I spent my Passover neck-deep in a ham and cheese sandwich.
Stephen: And he still counts as my Jewish friend! Even though he’s a Godless atheist!
Integra: But Judaism is a religion.
Erin: We’ll continue this conversation next week. Can I have some challah?
Jon: Uh, I do have a spiritual foundation…
Stephen: Nope. Godless. But it’s okay. I’m tolerant!
[To be continued…]
Pip: Seras! Hi! Of course it’s safe. Why wouldn’t it be?
Seras: I mean, is all the rice picked up?
Pip: Yep. Why? Rice isn’t poisonous to vampires, is it?
Seras: Not quite. It’s more like we’re obsessive-compulsive.
If there’s rice, sand, millet, anything like that in our paths, we can’t move until we’ve counted every last grain. It’s not dangerous, just really, really annoying.
Pip: Of course, it’s not like you need to turn invisible to get that lucky…not when Seras bathes you! I can see it now!
Seras (imagined): Pip…
Pip: Yes, Seras? How can I help you?
Seras (real): Pip! Is it safe for me to come in yet?
Back at the Hellsing mansion:
Pip: Sir Integra couldn’t see you just now, could she? Is that some creepy power of yours?
If you can become invisible to people at will, there are all kinds of ways to use that…some of them very dangerous indeed.
Can you sneak in on girls in showers without them knowing? You lucky dog!
Nina: Meow?
Pip: Cat. Whatever.
Seras (thinking): I hope they get to the hospital on time…
[weeeoooeeeoo]
Alucard: You sorted it out just in time, police girl.
Seras: You could have helped, Master. The parents still might die. Their child is dead.
Alucard: They’re humans. All of them will die sooner or later.