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Pip’s Night Before Christmas 3/3

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She looked, pulled her coat closed, and said, “So it seems.
Do not let this image show up in your dreams.”

She left, and we knew it had not been a bluff:
Dream-watching is part of old Alucard’s stuff.

“Let’s turn in,” I said to the Geese. “It’s all right.
Merry Christmas to all! Let’s have elf dreams tonight!”

Pip’s Night Before Christmas 2/3

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“Oh, right! Open fire!” I said, and each Goose
Shot true; but the elf, with a smile, said, “No use!
Your bullets are just common silver and lead.
You may as well lob old tomatoes instead.”

“Oh, out of my way!” cried the voice from the back,
And up Sir Integra ran, on the attack!

She carried no weapon, except an old pan;
But once it had seen it, the elf turned and ran!
With one mighty leap she was back in the sleigh,
When it, load and reindeer and all, flew away.

“Too late!” Not again!” she exclaimed. “Ev’ry year!”
“What were they?” said I in surprise. “And why here?
And what were they planning to do? And what can they?
And where did they come from? And what’s with the pan, eh?”

“They’re faeries,” she answered. “That’s all that we know.
They never explain why they come or they go.
Since only cold iron can damage the fae,
A threat with a pan can make them go away.
But it’s not enough just to force their departure!
I really must catch one before it can scarper!”

She fumed for a bit while we looked at the sky,
Watching the sleigh pulled by reindeer that fly.
Then I said, “You ready to go on back in?
It’s cold here outside, and that nightgown is thin.”

Pip’s Night Before Christmas 1/3

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‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the compound
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Hellhound.
When up from the roof there arose such a clatter
I roused all the Geese to see what was the matter.

Each man went outside quickly as he could run,
Yawning and blinking and raising his gun.
And what to our wondering eyes should appear
But a massive old sleigh and eight giant reindeer!

Said I, “This must be some old clever vampire
Disguised with a host of familiars. All fire!”
Then, as we were loading the next set of rounds,
A shape from the rooftop came tumbling down.

It was a young woman! With lots of skin bare!
With rings on her fingers and bells in her hair!
We all stopped and stared in considerable awe.
Too bad the hot chick was about two feet tall.

“If you’re a distraction,” I said, “You’re all right,
But couldn’t you be a bit greater in height?”
“Oh, give me a break,” she replied. “I’m an elf.
It’s not as if height is a thing I can help.”

Then came a voice: “You’re still distracted, you lot!
Since she came down, nobody’s fired a shot!”

But What If She Weighs Less Than A Duck? 44/111

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Youko: {So it’s settled. Yumi-chan will give the tour to our visitors this morning.}

{Then we must all work together to help ensure that the confessions go quickly and efficiently.}

Yumi: {Um, Rosa Chinensis…}

{…when are we going to go to class?}

Sei: {Don’t be silly, Yumi-chan. When was the last time anyone went to class at this school?}

But What If She Weighs Less Than A Duck? 43/111

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[sparkle sparkle]

Yumi: {But, Onee-sama…do you really think I’m ready for a responsibility like that?}

[sparkle sparkle]

Sachiko: {Yes, Yumi-chan, I do. Your enthusiasm and love for Lillian will make you a credit to the school.}

[sparkle sparkle]

Sei: {Ah, the beautiful pure love between soeurs!}

But What If She Weighs Less Than A Duck? 42/111

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“Rosa Gigantea” isn’t her name; it’s her title as a Student Council member. The titles of the other two are Rosa Chinensis and Rosa Foetida. (You don’t need to remember these either.)

Youko: {Visitors from the Vatican are a great privilege. We must wake them feel welcome. And, of course, we need to give them a favorable impression of our school. One of us should give them a tour.}

Sachiko: Onee-san…

{…I think this task should be given to Yumi-chan.}

Yumi: {Rosa Gigantea, you’re choking me…}

Sei: {But Yumi-chan is so squeezable when she makes cute faces!}

But What If She Weighs Less Than A Duck? 41/111

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The next day, at Lillian Girls’ School. This is the building in which the Student Council meets.

Traditionally, the council is composed of third-year students. Their petite soeurs accompany them.

And their petite soeurs…

Yumi: {The tea is ready, onee-sama!}

Sachiko: {Thank you, Yumi-chan.}

…do the busywork.

But What If She Weighs Less Than A Duck? 40/111

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Michael: It looks like Iscariot is going after someone at Lillian Girls’ School. Hang on while I hack the school computer system…

While Michael does that…

…let’s check on Timothy’s about-to-be moral dilemma.

Shoulder devil: You should — you should —

— look in Heinkel’s suitcase to see what kind of underwear there is!

Shoulder angel: Too late! He’s asleep again.

Make A Card #4

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More of those forms which Alucard has yet to take, but which he could, if he ever felt like it…

Pikacard
Sent forth from a Pokécoffin to do battle. Deadly and marketable!

Captain Pi-card
Boldly going where no vampire has gone before.

iCard
Great design. Very functional, too. (But PC is still cuter.)
– Hi, I’m an iCard.
– And I’m a PC.

Spicecard
Alucard secretly dreams of being a Britpop idol. Known as “Vampire Spice.”
[If you wanna be a vampire…]

Piñatacard
When Hellsing is really strapped for cash, they rent him out to birthday parties.

And speaking of birthdays….

Integra: Why are you naked.

Alucard: It’s my birthday suit! “Birthday Card”, get it?

Integra: Get. Dressed. Now.

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