Laura: You are not wandering the streets looking like that, young vampire.
Marian: Says who? You’re not the Master of me!
Laura: But you never would have gotten this far without me. Don’t stop listening to me, or I’ll leave you on your own right now.
Marian: You can’t do that!
I have a rebellious free spirit that cannot be caged. I’m leaving you!!
Laura: Long dresses are simple, elegant, refined. They speak of taste and class.
And, if they cling just so, in the right places, they can be much more alluring than…
Marian: Hey, I like this!
The streets of London:
Marian: Wow! Check out the modern clothes!
They’re so cute!
Laura: I don’t know…they’re rather revealing.
Marian: But in the catalog you took from that camper last year, the models had even less clothing than this…
Laura: Marian, when I said that was a catalog? I lied.
Pip: Come on, Walter, say something. Are you going to tell the boss I was watching? Are you going to tell Alucard?
Just give me some warning, so I can update my will…
Walter: Relax, Captain.
I’m not about to rat you out. But you owe me one.
Seras: Careful, Victoria…don’t lose control and bite me.
That’s 100% virgin blood. The most popular kind.
My friend Maddie sent me this joke two years ago. Yes, it can take me that long to get back to things.
The 100 funniest jokes of all time (according to GQ Magazine) #53
read by Enrico Maxwell
I was walking along a bridge one day, when I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran up to him and said,
“Stop! Don’t do it! There’s so much to live for!”
“Well…are you religious?”
“Me too! Are you Christian, or something else?”
“Hey, me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”
“Me too! Are you Episcopalian, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist…”
“Are you Baptist Church of God, or Baptist Church of the Lord?”
“Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too! Are you Orthodox Baptist Church of God, or Reformed Baptist Church of God?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”
“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1644, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1689?”
“Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1644!”
So I shouted, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off the bridge.
Enrico: I don’t get it.
As usual, Pip thinks in French. Translation:
So that’s what Sir Integra likes, eh?
But it’s none of my business. If she likes to be licked by blondes with soft lips and large breasts…
…I’m not going to judge!
Pip (thinking): Sir Integra, c’est qu’elle aime, ça?
Mais ce n’est pas mon affaire. Si elle aime être léchée par des blondes avec les lèvres douxes et seins grandes..
…je ne vais pas la juger!
Pip (thinking): Whoa.
Integra: This won’t do. It’s an open wound. Blood will get all over.
The human mouth is full of bacteria. It’s not sanitary for us to lick wounds.
But your mouth is sterile. Lick this off for me. That’s an order.
Integra: You cannot keep this up, Officer Victoria. This denial of yours is self-destructive.
It will make you a liability. I cannot have that in my organization.
…Would you look at that. I seem to have cut my finger.