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Birthday Bash 20/85

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Laura: You are not wandering the streets looking like that, young vampire.

Marian: Says who? You’re not the Master of me!

Laura: But you never would have gotten this far without me. Don’t stop listening to me, or I’ll leave you on your own right now.

Marian: You can’t do that!

I have a rebellious free spirit that cannot be caged. I’m leaving you!!

Birthday Bash 18/85

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The streets of London:

Marian: Wow! Check out the modern clothes!

They’re so cute!

Laura: I don’t know…they’re rather revealing.

Marian: But in the catalog you took from that camper last year, the models had even less clothing than this…

Laura: Marian, when I said that was a catalog? I lied.

Birthday Bash 17/85

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Pip: Come on, Walter, say something. Are you going to tell the boss I was watching? Are you going to tell Alucard?

Just give me some warning, so I can update my will…

Walter: Relax, Captain.

I’m not about to rat you out. But you owe me one.

The 53rd Funniest Joke Of All Time

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My friend Maddie sent me this joke two years ago. Yes, it can take me that long to get back to things.

The 100 funniest jokes of all time (according to GQ Magazine) #53
read by Enrico Maxwell

[Enrico]
I was walking along a bridge one day, when I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I ran up to him and said,

“Stop! Don’t do it! There’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Well…are you religious?”

“Yes…”

“Me too! Are you Christian, or something else?”

“Christian.”

“Hey, me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant.”

“Me too! Are you Episcopalian, Baptist, Lutheran, Methodist…”

“Baptist.”

“Me too!”

“Are you Baptist Church of God, or Baptist Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God.”

“Me too! Are you Orthodox Baptist Church of God, or Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”

“Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1644, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1689?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1644!”

So I shouted, “Die, heretic scum!” and pushed him off the bridge.

Enrico: I don’t get it.

Birthday Bash 15/85

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As usual, Pip thinks in French. Translation:

So that’s what Sir Integra likes, eh?

But it’s none of my business. If she likes to be licked by blondes with soft lips and large breasts…

…I’m not going to judge!

Pip (thinking): Sir Integra, c’est qu’elle aime, ça?

Mais ce n’est pas mon affaire. Si elle aime être léchée par des blondes avec les lèvres douxes et seins grandes..

…je ne vais pas la juger!

Birthday Bash 13/85

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Integra: This won’t do. It’s an open wound. Blood will get all over.

The human mouth is full of bacteria. It’s not sanitary for us to lick wounds.

But your mouth is sterile. Lick this off for me. That’s an order.

Birthday Bash 12/85

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Integra: You cannot keep this up, Officer Victoria. This denial of yours is self-destructive.

It will make you a liability. I cannot have that in my organization.

…Would you look at that. I seem to have cut my finger.

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