Sara/Joelle also wrote the first HellSING! RENT parody.

In honor of RENT coming out as a movie (squee!! RENT is coming out as a movie!!), we have another RENT song parody, brought to you by the lovely Sara. Presenting: the Waltz Alucard!

(Of course, since it’s not a whole new song, just a set of rewritten lyrics to the Tango Maureen, it’s still a tango, not a waltz. So you’ll just have to pretend.)

[Integra]
Walter?

[Walter]
Sir…?

[Integra]
I didn’t think I’d called you…

[Walter]
Thought I heard…well, can I help, since I’m here?

[Integra]
I’ll handle it myself.

[Walter]
Great! I’ll just be…

[Integra]
Wait!
Maybe you can relate…

I’m looking for my pen, and have you seen–

[Walter]
I didn’t mean…is that really everything?

[Integra]
No — no — no — no

[Walter]
Start it at the top

[Integra]
I feel weird

[Walter]
You feel weird

[Integra]
Always, weird

[Walter]
Okay, weird

[Integra]
And I think I’m about to go insane
Psyche’s under attack, feeling eyes on my back
Like there’s somebody else in my brain

[Walter]
Think you’re losing your mind
And the same daily grind
Is abruptly, frustratingly hard?

[Integra]
Wait, have you felt the same?

[Walter]
Your problem has a name
It’s called: the Waltz Alucard

The Waltz Alucard…
He and I used to dance as a team
Defeating the bad guys
To help the Allies

[Integra]
You’re wrong
He’s a servant to me

[Walter]
But it plays with your head when your partner’s undead
And his tempting makes you want to scream

[Integra]
So you must stay on your guard…

[Both]
The Waltz Alucard

[Walter]
Have you ever let his innuendo get to you?

[Integra]
Never!

[Walter]
Have you entertained a stray thought or two?

[Integra]
That’s…private!

[Walter]
Did those thoughts sneak up from your blind side, or did you…choose it?

[tactful silence]

Did the two of you ever…you know…

[Walter]
Classfiied.

[Integra]
I’m gonna…lose it!

[Walter]
It’s hard to do this at my age…

[Integra]
You’re a human; that’s why!

I need him!

[Walter]
Hellsing needs him!

[Integra]
Can’t defeat it!

[Walter]
History repeats!

[Integra]
I feel cheated, I did not want this part!

[Walter]
Unavoidable, since
If you give him an inch

[Integra]
He’ll drain all the sense from your heart!

[Both]
So you question what’s right
What is black and what’s white
You get lost somewhere in shades of grey

[Walter]
If you could, would you choose?

[Integra]
Well, I can’t, but I muse–

[Walter]
And that’s how it’s going to stay!

[Both]
The Waltz Alucard
Gotta dance ’til your mission is done
Despite moral confusion
Causing mental contusions
Try to stick to what’s fair while your nerves are laid bare
And at your inmost thoughts he pokes fun

[Integra]
And though his taunts leave you jarred

[Walter]
They’ll make you stronger, just scarred
…I found your pen

[Integra]
Alucard!

[Walter]
Did you just hear something?

[Integra]
Bleep.

[Both]
The Waltz Alucard!