Props to Joelle for these lyrics!

Everthing is RENT…including Hellsing, it seems. Today’s song parodied is “Take Me Or Leave Me,” from the wonderful musical RENT. The parody author this time is not me, but Joelle here, who’ll be cosplaying to fill Alucard’s part. Take it away, Joelle!

[Alucard]
Under the moonlight, London’s quiet and still
What a lovely night, perfect — to kill!
But, once I’m on my own
Miss Headmaster calls me home
Can’t you spend an hour alone, m’lady?

But be wise — your sight’s set too high
In my eyes you’re still a child, baby

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me, Master — or leave me
Take me, Master — or leave me

You can’t wish it away — think it’s a dog you’ve found?
A predator needs prey, Master — get that down!
You’re not hard to excite when red war fires ignite
It’s treu so don’t deny it, baby

Be sanguine, or you’ll never win
Stop thinking you’re the biggest thing since — since —
since Lucy!

Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be
And if you give a damn
Take me, Master — or leave me

It’s plain when you say “job well done”
You’re pained you’ve missed out on the fun
Between our kinds such bonds are few
You change your mind, you know what to do

You, you know what to do…
Go, go right ahead
Listen, Master–

[Integra]
It won’t work!

I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline
I shoot freaks in my sleep, servant, what’s my sin?
I decide, you follow through
Don’t forget that I own you!
What to do with my headstrong Nosferatu?

Understand, got too much on my hands
You’re the hitman, I’ll make the plans
I’m not changing them for you!

[Integra / Alucard]
Take me for what I am [a control freak]
Who I’ve chosen to be [a snob, yet over-dependant]
And, as my orders stand [a human, mortal and weak]
Leave it, servant — don’t take me [and self-contradicting!]

[Alucard]
We’ll see…

[Integra]
Why won’t you just shut it?

[Alucard]
Maybe…

[Integra]
Not one more word, you git!

[Alucard]
All right,
tell me what to do then

[Integra]
Vampires! It’s worse than having children

[Alucard]
Humans! Should’ve stayed in the basement

[Alucard / Integra]
Take me for what I am
Who I was meant to be [who I’ve chosen to be]
And if you give a damn [and as my orders stand, servant]
Take me, Master — or leave me [Leave it, servant — don’t take me!]