World's second-most-popular Hellsing-related comic.
The flowers are carnations: completely vampire-safe. Pip did his research this time.
And so, with a little study…and some, er, negotiation…Pip reaches the hard part: asking the question.
Pip: Hey. Wnat a date?
[don’t you hate it when they say TO BE CONTINUED]
In translation:
OK . . . I made a big mistake.
Seras hasn’t talked to me at all since this afternoon.
I could give up on being her friend . . .
No! I made the mistake, and it’s up to me to fix it.
But . . . how?
I have to do something very big . . .
Very dramatic . . .
And very romantic.
Like the beach at midnight under the moonlight, in fact.
Pip (thinking): Ok…j’ai fait une énorme erreur. Seras ne m’a pas addressé la parole depuis cet après-midi.
Je pourrais renoncer á être son ami…mais non! J’ai fait l’erreur, et c’est à moi de le fixer. Mais…comment?
Il faut que je fasse quelque chose de très grande…de très dramatique…et de très romantique. Comme la plage à minuite sous la lumière de la lune, en fait.
If you don’t have your own copy of Dracula, check out this and other vampire stories online.
Integra: Page 259, starting at line 12. You were ordered to read the entire book.
Pip: Okay, okay…
Integra: What does it say?
Pip (reading): “Then there are things which so afflict him that he has no power, as the garlic that we know of; and as for things sacred, as this symbol, my crucifix, that was amongst us even now when we resolve, to them he is nothing, but in their presence he take his place far off and silent with respect. There are others, too, which I shall tell you of, lest in our seeking we may need them.
“The branch of wild rose on his coffin keep him that he move not from it…”
…Oh. Oh. Oh, bleep.
Integra: Exactly.
Pip: Euh…yeah, that was me. YOu never indicated that fraternization between officers was a problem–
Integra: It isn’t.
Pip: Was she upset? It was a completely innocent gesture, I swear — roses’ yonic symbology aside–
Integra: You really have no idea what this is about?
Pip: No!–
Integra (holding Dracula): Read, darnit!
Note from The Future: Should’ve made it a bouquet.
Integra: Are you the fool responsible for putting this wild rose on Officer Victoria’s coffin?
Parody written by the lovely Trish.
Today’s parody is the made-for-AxI tune “Just the Girl”by The Click 5. As always, sung by the author!
She’s cold and she’s cruel but she knows what she’s doing
Knows just what to say so my whole night is ruined
She’d laugh at my dreams, but I’d dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems, she’s the one I’m afterOh, her blood’s so sweet
It brought me to my feet
And I can’t help myself
I don’t want anyone else
She’s a mystery
Near too much for me
And I’ll keep coming back for more…
She’s just the girl I’ve waited forShe kept her secrets, now she’s up in the Tower
She runs on one hundred proof attitude power
And the more she gives orders, the more I adore her
What can I do? I’d do anything for herOh, her blood’s so sweet
It brought me to my feet
And I can’t help myself
I don’t want anyone else
She’s a mystery
Near too much for me
And I’ll keep coming back for more…
She’s just the girl I’ve waited forYou know she knows it’s me
With no Caller ID
When she picks up the phone
She knows it’s me alone
And I’ll never give up, no
‘Cuz every word she’s ever said
Is still ringing in my head–
Still ringing in my head…She’s cold and she’s cruel but she knows what she’s doing
Knows just what to say so my whole night is ruined…!Oh, her blood’s so sweet
It brought me to my feet
And I can’t help myself
I don’t want anyone else
She’s a mystery
Near too much for me
And I’ll keep coming back for more…
Oh, I keep coming back for more!
She’s just the girl I’ve waited for
And so…
Guy #1: Ow…I’ve got such a bloody ‘angover…
Pip: Deal with it, soldier. You’ve got work to do.
Integra: Is Captain Bernadette in here?
Guy #1: Over here, sir…just give ‘im a minute to thaw out.
Later:
Integra: Who could have done this?
Alucard: I sensed no one sneaking onto the grounds, Master.
And it’s a largely unknown method of subduing a vampire. We’re dealing with an expert.
Integra: A very strong, or subtle, expert.
Walter: Sir…
Integra: What is it, Walter?
Walter: If I may…before we panic, there is a far simpler explanation which we ought to look into.
Alucard (telepathy): What’s the trouble, police girl?
Seras: I’m trapped in a coffin and it’s freaking me out and help!
Alucard: Push harder. You have far more strength than a human; use it.
Seras: Master, I was pushing as hard as I could. There’s something else wrong.
Alucard: Police girl, you — Oh. Hold on. Help is on the way.
Seras (thinking): Okay, Seras…don’t panic. It’s just stuck, that’s all. Relax…breathe…give it another shove…no need to freak out.
…
Seras: MASTER, HELP!!