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Return of the Fangirls 75/107

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Yes, ANOTHER of these. But this much epic battle posing would never have fit in a normal comic. (And no, I don’t know where the Jackal went.)

Fangirls: All right!! Alucard’s fighting!

Fan 1: and you can shoot him in the face and he gets back up cause he’s just that cool and his knives can kill anything even Alucard yes that’s right Alucard he thinks he’s so tough but really Alucard’s just a scared little demon who can’t handle a little holy water and Alucard’s just no match for the spiffyness of ANDERSONG!!!!

Fangirl: Eeeeee! Cool pose!

Fangirl: Jerk! You should die for hurting Alucard!

Fan 2: He just eats bullets and jumps back. He has glimmering weapons and glasses and he is fighting for what he is believing in and is such a fanatic awesome. He is just so cool.

Fan 3: and he hunts vampires and did I mention he has cool blades I guess I did anyway he just plain kicks ass and prays whilst doing it.

Fan 4: Did I mention he’s got shinny teeth?

Return of the Fangirls 74/107

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Fan 1: One moment that accent is soft, warm and friendly the next, psychotic, hard and heated!

Fan 2: he’s soo cool with that bread and those knifes and HE’S IRISH!!

Fan 3: the stubble gives him such a bad boy look and the guy looks so good when slaying things and he never respects anybody and he so could beat Alucard if he put his mind to it plus he

Fan 4: Anderson looks just awesome in the first manga.

Fan 5: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEyay for Alex he’s so cool and he has a nifty huge cross that glows in the dark and his glasses are all cool and shiny and he has an endless supply of knives and he works night after night protecting us from the evil unclean ghouls

Integra: Their fans seem to be taking cover as well.

Enrico: Wise little creatures.

Fan 6: Vol. 6 of the manga), and he isn’t just Maxwell’s puppet, but has an established set of values seperate from his superior’s… And dammit, he speaks Latin. That’s cool. He’s cool!

Return of the Fangirls 73/107

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Enrico: Anderson, stop! We have a common enemy to deal with, you can’t be wasting time fighting that vampire!

Integra: Alucard, stand down.

Fangirl: Alex! I love Alex! He’s really strong and really tall and he needs to shave and comb his hair and his glasses are great, gotta love that scar too, and

Anderson: Don’t think you’ll walk away from this, vampire.

Alucard: I look forward to it, paladin.

Fangirl: his coat is all flowing and stuff, and I love that Scottish accent, and

Integra: Your paladin isn’t listening.

Enrico: Neither is your vampire.

Fangirl: his blades are so cool and creative and pointy and he wears boots and has sharp teeth and he’s so determined and has a great sense of honor and he’s….

Integra: It seems we both have troublesome subordinates. Shall we take cover?

Enrico: Good idea.

Return of the Fangirls 72/107

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At last, Alex walks straight into his very own fan-mob: from left to right (i.e. if you run a ruler across the screen horizontally, this is the order in which you’ll hit people’s noses), Kris, Alex, Victor, Masquerade, Melanie, Katie, Jess, Isla, Markus, Katrina, Chris, Josh, and Billy!

Fan 1: Andersong is awesome and he is Heaven’s agent of divine punishment and his blessed swords can kill more vampires than Hellsing’s silver bullets and he can never be killed and he keeps fighting even if he cannot win but he will always win in the end because he is the awesome Paladin Alexander Andersong.

Fan 2: Alexander so reeks of awesomeness and he has so totall cool masonry trowels that he uses to cut up all the evil vampires and he has a big scary scar down the side of his face but he’s so cute anyways and he has really long legs and let us all worship him!

Fan 3: YAY! Anderson is so damn nifty! I mean, he’s fourth-dimensional (according to his rather bizzare creator…), and just whips swords outta nowhere and KILLS LOTS OF THINGS! and it’s cool! and he doesn’t even seem to bother to aim and still things DIE IN HOLY RIGHTEOUS DYINGNESS…er, right! But when it comes right down to it, Anderson isn’t just a random killing machine; he has the intelligence, control, and finesse to help his most hated enemies (and seem fairly happy about it… witness

Fan 4: Alexander is so strong and he’s so fast and he beat up Alucard with his big trowels of DOOM and we have the same name and he has big round glasses like me only they look much better on him just like everything else looks better on him and it’s OK that Alucard cut his arms off because we still love him best even if he doesn’t have arms because he’s the coolest and he had pretty blond hair and a neat accent that’s so neat it’s all right we can’t understand him and his teeth do this blunt vampire fang thing and..

Fan 5: Andersong like has so many cool nickname, he he got really shiny teeth and has all those knives plus

Fan 6: Alexander is so freaking cool cause he has an awesome grey trechcoat and blessed lawmower blades of death that he can throw around like whooshystab and he’s the only one who can even seem to come close to beating Alucard and hes got the swords and he can seal vampires with the paper thingies and he has a Scottish accent and he runs an orphanage

Fan 7: Andersong is so TALL with those broad shoulders, those eyes that are the shade of fresh green grass, the handsome 5 o’clock shadow along with that delightful insanity and the way his words come out of his mouth are just… WOW!

Fan 8: Alexander’s so cool his scottish accent’s so sexy and

Fan 9: Alex is so cool and Alex is so strong and Alex has cool exits/entrances and Alex has cool weapons and Alex is an amazing fighter and Alex can regenerate and Alex is the best fighter in Iscariot and Alex has every passage in the Bible memorized.

Return of the Fangirls 71/107

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Flash animation; click to play.

[click]

[step step step]

Fangirl: Nyah! You’re Scottish and Walter is British, therefore Walter could take you!

Anderson: Alucard…

[EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

Anderson: Hm?

[EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]
[EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]
[EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]
[EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!]

Return of the Fangirls 70/107

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The rants of Erica, Alyssa, and Alex (the only gay fanboy; however, since there are far more fangirls overall, the gay/straight ratio is about the same for fanboys as fangirls) deserved special attention: they came with built-in punchlines!

Fan 1: HIS SHEER PYSCHOTICNESS IS SPIFFY BECAUSE THE WAY HE LOVES TO KILL PEOPLE IS COOL (O.o in fiction! i’m not deranged! XD

Alucard (thinking): That’s debatable.

Fan 1: AND HIS FANGS ARE SEXY TOO AND I LOVE HOW HE LOOKS WITHOUT HIS HAT AND GLASSES AND VAMPIRES ARE JUST SPIFFY IN GENERAL BECAUSE BEING UNDEAD IS AWESOME AND I LOVE THE WAY HIS VOICE SOUNDS IN THE ANIME, IT’S SO SEXY AND I LOVE THE HIS GUN, IT’S AN AWESOME WEAPON AND HIS ABILITY TO TRANSFORM INTO RANDOM THINGS IS BEYOND COOL ! *breathes once more* AND I can’t seem to think of anything more at the moment. Stupid allergies messing up my BRAIN!

Fan 2: Alucard is the kawaiiest and bestest

Alucard (thinking): She’s thinks I’m “kawaii”? What am I doing wrong?

Fan 2: of all vampires! Even Lestat isn’t as cool as he! He has the neatest hat and he must have hundreds of pairs of sunglasses in a drawer or something because they break almost every episode, and his suit is so adorable! And he got his head blown off by ANdersong and then it came back all cool and stuff and then he shoots off Andersong’s arm. And then when you think he can’t get any greater he can turn into a wonky hellhound and like ate or something Luke!

Fan 3: Alucard is so cute and I just love the way his glasses are the way they are all shiny and cool and I love his pointy pointy teeth and his blaze-faire attitude and his hair is so rugged and charming and I really love his hat which is all floopy and cute and his pretty pointy teeth and YEEK! did I mention that already???

Alucard (thinking): Wait… this is a fanboy

Chibi Integra and Seras: Now you know how we feel.

Return of the Fangirls 69/107

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Yes, it’s another massive sloppy sketch to get the rest of the rants out of the way. (Integra’s line was adapted from a line in a fanfic.)

Integra: Take your face out of my neck or I’ll stake you myself.

Alucard: That’s easier said than done.

Fan 1: you can definitely tell that he cares about his master, and I would kill to be his fangirl, oh please please please!

Fan 2: bad*** and Alucard has the coolest smile in the world and Alucard has the coolest guns ever and whenever Alucard kills a bad guy I get all warm and squishy inside!

Fan 3: cute pointy nose and the big guns which are AWESOME and the cool red eyes and that cute adorable grin when you’re angry and sexy voice and hair and eyes and lasses and sexy voice and the guns and the SUPER HAND OF DOOM! And the sexy voice and master and pink wrappy thingies on your hat and knee-high boots and DID I MENTION TEH SEXY VOICE?!?!

Fan 4: Now, my knowledge comes mostly from the manga, so, bear with me a bit. The whole thing where he turned into the Hellhound I thought was just the greatest thing since sliced bread! Plus, he’s got the absolute sexiest voice!!

Fan 5: I love him with every fiber of my being and Alucard is just so kick-arse and Alucard’s got those amazing guns and Alucard can do anything and I would give my immortal soul to him and Alucard is the one whom I idolize and I want to be Alucard when I grow up and Alucard’s so sexy and so hot and Alucard’s the most awsome vampire in all of anime and Alucard and kill anyone and Alucard is so cool and keeps everything under control and Alucard has such a nifty outfit and his eyes are the bestest shade of red in the world and Alucard will never give up and he’s always willing to fight for the ones he honors and Alucard should be everyone’s role model…

Fan 6: being too saccharine about it and every time I watch episode 13, I keep rewinding to the last scene where he awaits Integra’s order and he’s so sexy with the blood dripping from his white glove…

Return of the Fangirls 68/107

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The last batch of Alucard fans: from left to right, Jared, Erica, Kyona, Caitlyn, Amanda, Alyssa, Dani, Valerie, and Alex.

Alucard: I could get used to this.

Integra: All fangirls are insane.

Fan 1: Alucard is so strong and Alucard is so cool and Alucard is so stylish and Alucard has the coolest glasses in the world. I want Alucard’s treachcoat! Alucard has such cool powers and Alucard is so sly and Alucard is such a

Fan 2: MAHAHA! Yoush have the sexiest voice and hair and glasses and big red hat and coat with the little armie-capie-thinies and the

Fan 3: Alucard would make a perfect lover for Integra, he has a nice smile and

Fan 4: ahh!! ohhmygosh Alucard is so freaking amazing

Fan 5: ALUCARD IS SO SEXY AND HIS RED EYES ARE AWESOME AND

Fan 6: I just think Alucard is the shiznit!!

Fan 7: Alucard is such a bad*** and he’s so hot and he has the best fashion sense for someone his age and even when he was tied in that strait-jacket in the dungeon he was sooo sexy and his hair is so cool since it can extend or shorten however he feels like I wish I could have Alucard’s hair! And in episode 10 where he watched over Integra through her whole operation was the sweetest romantic thing I’ve ever seen without going over the top and

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