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Return of the Fangirls 67/107

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Plot threads begin to come together as Willow rounds off the Seras fangirls.

Fangirl: Seras deserves more respect! She’s the only female field agent in Hellsing (that we’ve seen). She does all this in a miniskirt, while being given a hard time by everyone and she uses that marvelous gun that weighs more than most pepole. She’s so cool! She’s tough, and capable, and wonderful! She’s got class in uniform, and style out of it! Seras should be a more main character! More Seras Victoria! I wanna know EVERYTHING about her!

Meanwhile…

Pip: Get back ‘ere! I’m not finished with ya yet!

Meanwhile, Meanwhile…

Erin: Guys… hurry!

Return of the Fangirls 66/107

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Seras: Although I suppose, if you think about it, Alucard’s much older than either of you…

Walter: True.

However, despite his unique perspective as an immortal, when it comes to romance he has the emotional maturity of a boy your age or younger.

Alucard: I heard that.

Walter: Or perhaps of a hamster.

Doujinshi-Ka’s Inbox: Is Erin a lesbian?

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Direct quote. (Alas, we broke up before figuring out how to get through to the Hellsing universe.)

Erin: This email was phrased with a lot of politeness and “no offense”s, but the gist of the question was this:

Email: Are you a lesbian?

Erin: Now, how shall I put this…

[Smooch]

Erin: Does that answer your question?

Erin’s girlfriend: Ahem.

Erin: Eheheh…

Erin’s girlfriend

Erin: Ummm… it’s not what you think… It was just a demonstration, and it isn’t like she’s a real person anyway… she’s just an anime character… admittedly, a really hot anime character, but… okay, I’m out of excuses.

Erin’s girlfriend: Up for a little ménage à trots?

Erin: Have I told you lately that I love you? ‘Cause I do.

Integra: Alucard! Help!!

Return of the Fangirls 65/107

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One of the more unusual pairings, supported by Tisha the Walter fangirl.

Walter: Oh dear…

Seras: But… but… this doesn’t even make sense!

You’re almost old enough to be my grandfather!

Fangirl: When is The Dawn coming out in tankouban? Tisha wants Walter goodness!!!!! NOW!

Walter: I won’t even try to understand that.

Fangirl: Also, I ship Seras with Harry Anders!

Seras: The MI-5 agent? He’s that old, too!

Return of the Fangirls 64/107

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Walter: Terribly sorry, Miss Police Girl…

Fanboy: Y’know, all those old movies? “The Butler did it!” See? Love the old British man!

Seras: It’s all right–I know it wasn’t your fault.

Fanboy: Even the pointy nose is cool!

Anyway, what I was going to say was, you don’t get put in all these crazy pairings… you don’t end up getting shoved into kisses with whoev–

–mmph!

Fanboy: Yeah! WxS! WxS! and more WxS!

Return of the Fangirls 63/107

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Seras gets interrupted by Matt the Walter fanboy. 

Meanwhile, with Walter and Seras:

Walter: And now we see the advantage of fading into the background.

Seras: Yeah, really… you don’t get so many obsessive lunatics attaching themselves to you… you aren’t slammed into the floor as often…

But most of aaaaaaaah!

Fanboy: Walter! And more Walter! And Seras thrown in! And the Floss! And…and…Walter’s hair is shiny, is that a rant? And he’s got a MONOCLE! Love the monocle! And he makes TEA! I wish I could make tea! And he’s a BUTLER! The butlers always get everything done!

Return of the Fangirls 62/107

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More Integra fangirls: the Enrico lookalike is Jamew85 and the other is Mish.

Fangirl: Integra kicks so much *** one can’t even describe it. Instead of bawling over her father’s death and uncle trying to kill her, she sucked it up and stood up for what she believed in, backing down an undead with a gun that she knew had no effect on him.

Enrico: Wait, what happened?

Integra: It’s hardly any of your concern.

Fangirl: Another one for AxI? Why do people support that pairing?

Erin: Depends… how long of a list do you want?

Enrico (thinking): That one fangirl looks familiar…

Return of the Fangirls 61/107

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This here is Araq the Enrico fangirl.

Integra: Wait a moment. Maxwell, did you just refer to your hair as “God-given”?

Enrico: And why not?

All things exist by the will of God: thus all things can be called God-genaaahh!

Fangirl: Father Maxwell reeks with so much coolness and Father Maxwell sticks to his ideas and Father Maxwell is very smart and Father Maxwell is blessed by the Most High with boyish good looks

See? That fangirl agrees with me.

Integra: Yes, and a fangirl’s testimony is worth so much.

Fangirl: and Father Maxwell never gives up and Father Maxwell knows good artwork and Father Maxwell can withstand Integra glare and Father Maxwell is the only person in Hellsing who wares contacts and the most best Father EVER!

Inches

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Alucard: Early on–very early, mind you–five inches.

Anderson: Also early, very early–six inches.

Alucard: But then… seven inches.

Anderson: At next measurement… eight and a half inches.

Alucard: Ten inches!

Anderson: Twelve inches!

Seras: Sir Integral, I really don’t think we should be intruding on this conversation…

Alucard: Sixteen!

Anderson: Twenty!

Integra: Seventy-two.

Alucard: Gun size?

Anderson: Knife size?

Integra: Cannon size. Now get back to the actual battle.

Return of the Fangirls 60/107

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Enrico: How vile… using your unnatural powers to subdue these creatures. I would never stoop to such base trickery!

Nor would I ever allow these creatures to defile my beautiful God-given hair–

Fangirls: Eeeeeeeeeee. Enrico’s being vain ‘n’ snarky!

Let’s just do it just to annoy him!

Enrico: I should have known.

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