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Return of the Fangirls 45/107

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Finally another Walter fangirl – this time, Shadow-chan.

Integra: See? Some fans think I’m appealing.

Alucard: Ah, so you do care about that?

Fangirls: Gratuitous chibi moments, yay!

Fangirl: Walter is SO awesome! How could he not be awesome? He uses wires as a weapon! And he dresses so spiffy! He’s is so great! And he helps Integra-sama and Alucard! I want to be just like Walter. He is the coolest person in the whole wide world…

Integra: You brought up the topic in the first place.

Alucard: So if I brought up the price of tea in China, you’d assume I care about that?

Integra: No, I’d assume you were asking on Walter’s behalf.

Walter: Why would he do that? I already know that English Breakfast is approximately 962.8 yuan per kilogram.

Return of the Fangirls 44/107

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Fan: But think about it Seras, with all the powers he has at his command, did your “master” really have to shoot through you to get at the preist? But then you would have just been a one-shot character, so I’m cool with it.

Seras: Don’t make it harder…

Fan: AHHHH! ANDERSONG!

No wait, false alarm. So anyway, Integra is pretty hot too, but Seras…

Return of the Fangirls 43/107

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And here we have Catie the Seras fangirl and Matthew Henry the Seras fanboy.

Seras: Which direction are they coming from? You can’t tell! You can never tell!

Fan 1: Seras is so cool and has a sexy body and because she’s young at heart she can wear stuff that Integra is too serious to wear.

Fan 2: Ohmygod did I mention how AWESOME Seras is? She’s got cool hair that defies the laws of gravity and shes got a cool gun did I mention how AWESOME that gun is and shes got cool socks and she’s almost always happy and she’s so funny and she’s so smart but yet so confused and she’s so sad about her humanity but that’s ok cause she’s so darn AWESOME!

Seras: Oh, of course… both at once.

Return of the Fangirls 42/107

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Wyrren may be an Alucard fangirl, but she absolutely loves Seras in that state.

Fangirl: Alucard is so powerful and Alucard has such a sexy voice and Alucard’s got two really cool guns and Alucard never lets the enemy get away and Alucard’s so dark and mysterious and Alucard always says such cool stuff and everybody’s afraid of Alucard and Alucard’s always so proud and Alucard makes such a good master and Alucard looks so hot when he smirks

Seras: Excuse me…

… but who are you calling “Master”?

Fangirl: All right! Seras is being all scary and berserker and vampiric! Yeah!

Seras: Er… that’s not quite the reaction I was hoping for…

Return of the Fangirls 41/107

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More Enrico abuse, this time courtesy of Robyn the Enrico fangirl.

Enrico: Does this sort of sinfulness go on often in this house?

Fangirl: Teeheeheehee!

Enrico: It isn’t funny, you know. It’s blasphemous and heathen.

Fangirl: Well, IxE is my favorite pairing anyway!

Integra and Enrico deserve eachother. They should be forced to live together. The new vacation idea is absolute perfection. Enrico is most definately a bishonen, he deserves to have more of a role in the series. Why doesn’t he have more of a role in the series? It’s not FAIR!!

Enrico (thinking): Why must all of them do this to me?

Return of the Fangirls 40/107

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Fan 1: And, if he wasn’t from the Vatican and she wasn’t Protestant… IxM

Fan 2: IxM only if they were seriously drunk.

Integra: Alucard… off.

Alucard: Why, Master, you mean you aren’t enjoying this?

Fangirl Karaoke: The Time Warp

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Hellsing! fangirl karaoke!

Rocky Horror Mouth: Today we parody another CTY canon favorite: the Time Warp, complete with traditional dance!

And Shine Heaven Now Sunday Edition

Erin: I’ve you’ve ever seen Rocky Horror Picture Show, you’ll get this one… and if not, you’re missing out on cult favorite. Start the music!

Alucard: Interesting… have to shoot you
No more options I can see
But listen closely

[Male figure]: You don’t have very much longer!

Alucard: Do you want to… come with me?

Alucard: I remember
Doing the Neck Bite!
Drinking from Seras’ throat!
Her lung had been shot through

[Two figures]: Soon her heart would be failing!

Chorus: Let’s do the Neck Bite again!

Alucard: It’s just a shot to the heart!

[Two figures]: And then fall in the moonlight

Alucard: Lick the blood off her lips

[Two figures]: Soon you can walk the night!
Because the real crux
Comes with the blood exchange

I don’t even know who has the copyright to the Time Warp or Rocky Horror. I just know it isn’t me.

Chorus: Let’s do the Neck Bite again!

Seras: It’s so creepy
When he finishes this, see
I won’t be human, no not at all
In a four-poster coffin
With sudden blood-drinking cravings
Can I deal, with this at all?

Alucard: You must change the way you think

Seras: I allowed him a blood drink

Alucard: And nothing can ever be the same

Seras: My humanity going

Alucard: But your courage is growing!

Chorus: Let’s do the Neck Bite again!

Seras: Well, I ran into the church to escape from the ghouls
When a guy with a gun burst in, he looked so cool
He gout-a for me while I was hypnotized
He had a silver gun and the devil’s eyes!
He made an offer and I got a change
Necks would never look the same again!

Chorus: Let’s do the Neck Bite again!

Erin: It’s just a shot to the heart

Seras: And then fall in the moonlight!

Alucard: Lick the blood off her lips

Seras: Soon you can walk the night!
Because the real crux
Comes with the blood exchange

Chorus: Let’s do the Neck Bite again!

Return of the Fangirls 39/107

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From top to bottom, Jen and Laurel the Alucard fangirls.

Fan 1: Alucard is sooo cool. He’s got these two huge guns, and he wears a groovy red coat, and he’s a vampire! How much cooler can one man get? He’s got red eyes, and he’s got a great sense of humor, and cool boots, and he smirks! He can walk through walls, and everything, and I wish he’d bite me. I wouldn’t mind being one of his children

Fan 2: Oooh! Alucard’s so awesome and powerful and strong and he can turn into a doggie! And eat people and kill things and regenerate and he gets to drink blood and he’s so cool he can like, impale idiots who get in his way and he has sexy black hair and the most awesome hat and the coat and he’s so awesome!!

Fan 2: I kinda hate pairings…

Fan 1: I’m not fond of them, but IxA, PxS…

Fan 2: SP is obvious, and I suppose, if you’re willing to stop thinking about the violence and think about the characters’ personalities, AxI…

Fan 1: So, knock Alucard into Integra?

Fan 2: Yep.

Return of the Fangirls 38/107

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[EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!]

We interrupt this scene to bring you an update on the situation at the door:

Pip: So, you’re the bloke Iscariot sent to pick up their boss?

Alexander: Ay… that I am.

Now that the suspense has been properly raised, we return to the action upstairs!

Return of the Fangirls 37/107

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How do Enrico fangirls like Sarah “EEE ISCARIOT ^^” Dempster get these ideas about him? 

Enrico: I’d never thought I’d see the day… but here it is: all the major members of Hellsing are fallen at my feet.

[EEEEEEEEEEEE!!]

Fangirl: YEYMAXWELL! Maxwell is so cool! HE likes having fun! He’s the best Catholic in the world! No not the world the UNIVERSE! And he’s so animated! He’s funny and cute and fun to draw and…he smokes but I’m sure he could quit! Cause enrico maxwell can do ANYTHING! He makes Johnny Depp’s “Jack Sparrow” look like lunch meat! Not that he already did anyway! He whoops Orlando Vloom out the door! -AND- he has enough style to give YELLOW roses instead of red! HURRAY FOR MAXWELL! I bet if he wanted to he could take out Alucard and then Andersong would bow down!

Integra: Unless you have as much confidence in yourself as that fangirl does, I suggest you reconsider your statement.

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