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Cigar Break 7/12

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Day 18 of no cigars

Integra: Look, you do this every month, and it’s becomign a problem.

You can’t keep slacking off just to look at the full moon!
[gratuitous chibi moment]

Alucard: You just can’t properly appreciate its beauty. I suppose I can’t blame you, though. It’s a failing of your species.

[flick]
[whsshh]

Alucard: Aren’t you supposed to be off those this month?

Integra: I’m not lighting this to smoke it. I’m lighting it to throw it at you.

Cigar Break 6/12

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Day 4 of no cigars

Integra: Get that body out of here NOW! We’ve got five minutes before the regular authorities show up, and we can’t have rumors starting!

Day 9

I don’t care if it’ll put us on the “cutting edge” — we are NOT going to trim the weapons budget for the sake of a faster internet connection! Ours is more than adequate!

Day 13

I don’t know how you got this number, but we are not and will never be interested in a credit card!

Seras: Short temper, shouting, tense nerves, extreme anger — aren’t those all withdrawal symptoms?

Walter: Withdrawal? Heavens, no. Integra’s always like this.

Fangirl Karaoke: Hell Yeah!

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– Today we’re parodying a song by Montgomery Gentry with a very appropriate title: “Hell Yeah!” [Maxwell cosplay] It’s all about Heinkel, Yumiko, and Yumie.

She works way too much for way too little
Her job takes her all over the world
She’s been her and there, ‘most everywhere, armed with a prayer
Oh, and a gun, works with a nun
She’s much more than she seems

And she’s the product of a Catholic education
She’s got an assassin side if you give in to temptation
She’s got the confident smirk from years of work with a couple perks
From the employee plan in the Vatican
It lets her go to extremes

She yells, Wake up, Yumie
And tosses the nun a sword
Their job is killing heretics
In the name of God, our Lord
And she says

Hell yeah! Keep it up! Take that!
Hell yeah! Looks good! Kill those brats!
Catholics fightin’ all night long
Take me back to when religion hit me
Life was good and kills were easy

She’s got a long dark robe and a cute matching habit
She’s got a please-don’t-hurt-me attitude
She’s so genteel, it’s quite surreal, when she reveals
Her other side, like Jekyll’s Hide
The berserker wakes up

She’s the product of a nun’s education
She’s got a berserk side if you dare take off her glasses
She’s got her own sword style and a vicious smile and all the while
You heretics think you’re so slick
Until she’s killed you all

She yells out to her pal
Where’s the prey, Heinkel?
Then she grabs onto the sword
And she, and she starts to yell…
She says

Hell yeah! Keep it up! Take that!
Hell yeah! Looks good! Kill those brats!
Catholics fightin’ all night long
Take me back to when religion hit me
Life was good and kills were easy

Yeah, yeah, can-or-can’t-you get my mind off thinkin’ ’bout
Muslims, Buddhists, Hindis, atheists
Hey, hell yeah!

Cigar Break 5/12

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Walter: Giving them up? Entirely? For thirty days?

Integra: Yes. To prove a point to the police girl. your support in this matter will be greatly appreciated.

Walter: Understood, Sir Integra. Does “support” extend to removing all cigars from your reach, to prevent you from slipping out of habit?

Integra: Certainly…

Walter: I’ll be right back.

A couple next to the stapler / And she keeps a few in the top drawer… / An extra box with the spare pens / And a box tucked away on the shelf / And some under the Valentine Brothers’ file / A few behind the address book…

Cigar Break 4/12

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Integra: Seras, I appreciate your concern, but there’s really no need for it. It isn’t as if I’m addicted to cigars.

Seras: Prove it. [scary vampire mode]

Integra (thinking): How did I know she’d say that?

Seras: Give ’em up.

Integra: How long?

Seras: Why not forever?

Integra: Because I’m only doing it to prove that I’m not addicted. How long will that take?

Seras: Ah. And during this time you won’t smoke any cigars or other tobacco?

Integra: Right. A week? Two?

Seras: One month?

Integra: Thirty days, starting now.

Seras: Deal.

Cigar Break 3/12

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Most of the tones in this story were made by my friend Maddie.

Seras: Seriously — smoking disrupts your nervous system, puts you at risk for cancer, and ups your chances of heart disease! And all the statistics show that it’s worse for women than for men — especially bad since heart disease kills more women annually than anything, even breast cancer!

Integra: Well, we all have to die from something.

Integra: …

Seras: …

Seras: I don’t.

Integra: I know! I know! Forget I said anything!

Cigar Break 2/12

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Seras: Ack! Sir Integra! I’m sorry! Er…

*Ahem* Sorry, sir.
[standing at attention]

Integra: At ease, Seras.

Don’t let it happen again — use the sense you were born with, or, failing that, the sense you got when you died.

Seras: Yes, sir…Permission to speak freely?

Integra: Granted…

[THUNK]
Seras: You shouldn’t smoke. It’s bad for you.

Cigar Break 1/12

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Used this story to practice manga layouts.

Seras: It’s a beautiful night, I can already tell!

And I’m off duty tonight…

I can look at the stars all night!

And I was right! Just look at at that sky!

Integra: May I suggest you spare an eye to look in front of you?

Fangirl Karaoke: Livin’ La Vida Loca

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– Less talk, more music!

– Translation: Erin doesn’t feel like writing dialogue. Parody of Ricky Martin’s “Livin’ LaVida Loca.” In cosplay.

She’s into vampire hunting
Big guns and gold cross pins
I feel a premonition
That child’s gonna do me in

She’s a Round Table member
An actual English knight
She’s boss of lots of soldiers
Which she sends out to fight

She’ll make you get your guns out and shoot FREAK-chipped vampire fakes
She’ll make you follow orders till your dignity’s erased
There are some things worse than stakes, come on!

Come in upside down, you’re livin’ la vida Hellsing
She serves the English Crown, livin’ la vida Hellsing
Her eyes are icy blue and the way they glare is a swell thing
She will wear you out, livin’ la vida Hellsing

Woke in the Hellsing basement
In some funky bondage clothes
I bent over and I licked her blood up
Which woke me up out of my repose

She does want to be stronger, but your blood she will not drink
Once you’ve had a taste of her you’ll find it hard to think
Stare her down and she won’t blink, come on!

Come in upside down, you’re livin’ la vida Hellsing
She serves the English Crown, livin’ la vida Hellsing
Her eyes are icy blue and the way they glare is a swell thing
She will wear you out, livin’ la vida Hellsing

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