The night arrives (as if you hadn’t guessed)!
Staff: May I see your invitation, madam?
Staff (thinking): Cripes, she’s hot! Too bad that bloke’s so close at her side…he looks almost like a shadow…
Integra: Certainly. I am Sir Integral Wingates Hellsing.
Staff: Go on in.
Staff (thinking): THAT’S Sir Hellsing?? I thought he…no, he’s a she…was, well, a bloke, and a terror on top of that!
Alucard: So, how about it? May I escort you to the coming ball?
Integra: Perhaps you may, after all…provided, of course, that you…
…don’t shapechange, don’t glare at anyone, don’t stare at people’s necks, don’t make any cryptic remarks, especially about the moon or blood or drinking or thirst or night or death, don’t pull a gun on anyone, don’t get into any prolonged conversations, don’t offer to dance with anybody, don’t…
Alucard: You have only to order it, Master. You know that. *tch* Humans…
Integra: Even without your clearly vampiric features, you’ll still scare people.
Alucard: I would scare people no matter what form I took.
Every doujinshi needs at least one “fling!” scene.
Alucard: You’ve seen me turn into a score of bats, a dog, a shadow. Why haven’t you considered that I can change my shape in smaller ways?
Integra: Like what?
Alucard: Allow me to demonstrate.
Alucard: But do consider the offer. True, I am far older than Walter, but I don’t look it.
Integra: Out of the question. You don’t honestly think a ballroom full of upper-crust aristocrats will fail to notice a vampire in their midst? At least a few will be aware of the reality of such creatures.
Alucard: You really haven’t thought this through, have you?
Corrections from The Future: Integra is Abraham Van Helsing’s granddaughter, not great-granddaughter; and the Hellsing manga was later identified as taking place in 1999. Shine, however, begins in 1997.
- No, Jonathan, go back to your room!
- Good thing Mina never got to see the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. It used her name but it wasn’t like her at all…
- Yay! Van Helsing has arrived!
- ooh, wouldn’t it be fun to tell you! Someday your great-granddaughter will call for help, and a vampire will answer…
- Hey, Hellsing takes place in 1997, exactly a century after this book was published!
- No, you fools! Mina’s been Superwoman the whole book long — she’s not gonna suddenly go pale out of nerves!
- That’s right, Miss Lucy did it! She’s a vampire!
Integra: Will I actually need an escort?
Walter: It’s common protocol…
Integra: And why didn’t you mention this earlier?
Walter: I suppose I’ve come to take such things for granted. I do apologize.
Integra: Well, I can’t exactly rent one, especially at this late stage. So I suppose you’ll have to do.
Alucard: Now really, Integra…
…what will people say if you show up with someone so old? Even if he is your butler.
Integra: And what will they say if I show up with a vampire, do you think?
Alucard: Ah, so you saw my intention? Good.
A few days before the night of the ball:
Integra: …and if you call one more time I’ll send a fully-armed unit to destroy your office, is that clear?
Integra: Worse. Telemarketer. You wanted to see me…?
Walter: Yes, about the ball…
…have you given any thought to your escort?
Note from the Post-Brexit Future: This takes place in an AU where Great Britain happily joined the Eurozone and never looked back. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Walter: I’ll go make the purchases.
Integra: Seras, are you all right?
Integra (thinking): Oh god, she’s staring at my neck.
Integra: I’ll just go change, then.
One change of clothes, one shelling out of many euro, and several returns of dresses to hangers later…
Seras: We have to take good care of this now!
Walter: That wasn’t so bad, was it, Integra?
Integra (thinking): Just so long as there are no vampires at the ball…