Note from The Future of 2017: As I type up most of these transcripts from scratch, I’ll be spelling it “Alucard” in the text. (And fixing typos when I catch them.)

Alucard: It’s a “fangirl.”They’re from another plane of existence; they attach themselves to people from our plane. When they can get to it, that is.

Integra: So how do I get it off?

Alucard: I don’t know, but that information would be in the Hellsing datab– hey, what’s that noise?

Integra: I don’t hear anyth…uh-oh.

[EEEEEEE!!!]

[WHACK]
Fangirl: yay for Alucard he’s so cool and he has cool gloves and he has a nifty huge hat and he has a really big gun and we all stand in awe of the spiffiness that is Alucard!